Category Archives: whoops

exciting news (and whoops)

I’m moving!

emma-nation.com is MINE… ALL MINE. Bwaahhahhahahah.

However, in attempting to move all of my existing content there, I seem to have doubled it up here. Whoops. Sorry about that.

Anyway, come visit me over there please!

Love, Emma

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Filed under girl geek, it's all about me, whoops

let them sleep, let them stay sleeping

Tomorrow will take us two weeks into the new year and the new decade. Let’s see how I’m doing with my resolutions so far, shall we?

1) Don’t get sick.

So far, so good. If you don’t count the tailbone that may or may not be broken (stupid motherfucking tailbone). I’m laying on my stomach writing this and haven’t sat up all day, if that gives you any indication of my current comfort level.

I was in so much pain last night that I let Jessica, one of my derby dearhearts, put Icy Hot patches on my butt for me. On my actual butt. I’m pretty sure she saw more than she wanted to, but that’s what derby sisters are for.

2) Stop obsessing over my damn hair.

Ah ha -hahha ha. Ha. Yeah, not.

Lookithowcutethisis!!

3) Stop buying non-consumables.

Done.

Well, except for these... but trust me, my butt has declared padded shorts a necessity.

And these... because it's my BIRTHDAY and I want them ok shutupaboutitalready.

So… maybe not so good. I have a whole year to get it right.

4) I will blog a minimum of five days a week.

I’ve been rockin that one like a rocking rock climber.

5) I will work on building strong friendships with women who want the same thing.

See above re: Jessica putting patches on my butt and below re: all the lovely ladies in the picture.

6) I will perfect a smile that I don’t mind being photographed.

I think maybe it’s just about looking happy without trying too hard. I’m getting there.

7) I will be a grown up in the ways that matter, and put off being a grown up for as long as possible in the ways that don’t.

This one is baby steps, every day. I’m doing ok though. YAY me.

There you go. Two weeks in and I give myself a C+. No, a B-. Because it’s the week of my birthday and I can.

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Filed under I make lists, money to burn (apparently), tellin secrets, they let me on skates?, whoops

remember when I used to be cool?

Two things. First, my post from yesterday was about my friend Betty (otherwise known as my friend Betsy. Yes, my powers of nicknaming and misdirection are awe inspiring, I know). The reason that I’m now using her real name is because roughly twenty minutes after I posted it, I got this IM:

Betsy: emma!!!
Betsy: I LOVE my blog! I can call it my blog today right??

She read it out loud to several folks at our old company, forwarded it to friends of hers, and was generally 150% awesome about it. This, along with the clothing counting, many Friday lunchtime margaritas and after work glasses of wine, and a truly hilarious anecdote about the time of 9:20 pm, is why I love her.

Where does uncoolness come in? Well, I am a prolific user of and employed by a company that works with the internet, can see that I have positively TENS of daily readers, had the link to my blog on facebook before I quit, and post a link to every single post on twitter. All that and  it literally never occurred to me that she would read it. I apparently truly believed that all of my readers were complete and total strangers. Seriously, what is that? That’s me being kind of stupid and very uncool, that’s what it is.

Second. Last night the boy and I hit the big big city. We got all dolled up and headed down to Denver to see the opening of my favorite artist’s new show. We also hit a few other galleries and grabbed some dinner. Cool, right?

Cept here’s what the evening really looked like. In the third person, for reasons that I can’t even begin to explain.

7:30 pm: Emma misses the exit off the highway because of some loud and enthusiastic postulatating about a subject that was so unimportant that she now can’t even remember what it was.

8:09 pm: Emma and the boy arrive at the gallery.

 

camo boy

Camo boy. WANT.

8:25 pm: Emma and the boy leave the gallery, having purchased nothing and failed to talk to aforementioned artist. Because, as Emma says, ‘how long can you really look at a picture?’ and because the artist’s Carhart jacket intimidated her.

9:00 pm: Emma and the boy arrive at a second gallery, which did not have the show that they thought it did. A clearly inebriated fella dances around Emma and then asks for a fist bump. Based on his reaction, Emma performed the fist bump incorrectly.

9:30 pm: Emma and the boy arrive at the gallery that does have the Where the Wild Things Are show that they were looking for. Emma almost cries in installation piece in the basement that is essentially a forest scene with an abandoned Max costume and some toys degrading on the floor.

9:45 pm: Emma and the boy stop for dinner at delite. They realize that if he is going to continue to feature prominently in her blog, she’s going to have to come up with a better nickname, which as of this writing she has failed to do.

10:00 pm: Emma becomes convinced that drugs are being dealt out of the men’s bathroom, and spends the remainder of the meal noting visits, time spent, and return visits.

11:00 pm: Emma and the boy arrive home, watch half an episode of Community, and fall asleep.

As I said. Remember when I used to be cool?

 

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Filed under nablopomo, things I think are pretty, whoops

yeah kiss me kiss me good

The fascinating story of things I did today while working and waiting for an interview that ended up being postponed (after I dressed up and everything!).

And died my hair red and got glasses and turned into a cartoon. Huh. I'm starting to think this isn't a picture of me.

1) I had an IM conversation that taught me that I have big blogger balls and that my posts are infinite. And that Facebook can be super depressing, even when they’re not suggesting you befriend your dead friends or rate large breasted women.

(10:10:22) Workbuddy I saw you blogging about LUV
(10:10:26) emmanation did you read it?
(10:10:29) emmanation it wasn’t really about love
(10:10:34) emmanation it was more about fun
(10:10:42) Workbuddy hmmmm
(10:10:45) Workbuddy sure
(10:10:54) Workbuddy did your boy buy that?
(10:11:12) emmanation i’m not sure he read it
(10:11:19) emmanation but he knows i love him
(10:11:30) emmanation so it’s not like it’ll be any huge surprise even if it was more serious in parts
(10:17:30) Workbuddy I think your blogs are way funny…..but I always wonder what else is buried between the lines…..Me personally would never put such a thing on the internet. So you have bigger balls than I.
(10:18:08) Workbuddy I know you love him. I am just saying that to write a blog like that on the topic meant that the extent of your love is on your brain.
(10:18:20) emmanation I spose 🙂
(10:18:22) Workbuddy interesting….
(10:18:25) emmanation why wouldn’t you put it on the internet?
(10:19:43) Workbuddy I dunno. not me I guess……emotions like that change. It is like on fb how someone writes “please pray for me….” then they do not update their status for a week……that kinda depresses me….like jeez I hope they made it…..
(10:20:03) Workbuddy so when you put it on the WWW it is kinda infinite until the next one.

(And yeah I just now realized that I’m putting his words out on the internet, right where he said he wouldn’t put them himself. But he made some salient points, so I’m going to leave it up.)

2) I sent a link of the NY Times article Sex Addict: Confessions of  a Toxic Bachelor to my thrice divorced coworker when I meant to send him a link to this.

3) I ate an entire sleeve of Saltines and made a pretty significant dent in a second.

 

saltines

That's right.

 

This is but a sampling of what a day in the life of yours truly is like.  Jealous? Yeah, I figured.

MUAH.

 

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Filed under I make lists, nablopomo, whoops, work

Emma-poor planning-nation

The following post was written between the hours of 8:30 and 10:30 pm last night.

So. I got to pick the very first movie for the movie club the tiniest sprinter and I started. As you may recall, I picked the awesome Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It’s due today.

I don’t have the movie.

I very distinctly recall checking Netflix to make sure it was available to stream prior to choosing it, but that is no longer the case.

What is a girl to do? Give up? Make a last minute run to Blockbuster? Oh no – and not just because the DB and I have been planting flowers and indulging in Scotchy-snacks all afternoon. I will not give up and I will not go to Blockbuster. Instead, I will do something way more awesome.

I shall do my mea culpas to the tiniest sprinter, and watch Let the Right One In. Then, later this week, I will rent and review the movie I actually chose – ya know, for extra credit.

If you recall, this is a well reviewed vampire movie that was recently released. In Swedish. With subtitles. Did I mention the hours of physical labor in the sunshine and the liberal application of Scotchy-snacks? (Just prepping you for what may be a slightly nonsensical review.) As you may recall, my reviews are almost without exception in the form of lists, so prepare yourself for my ‘thoughts while watching a swedish vampire movie’.

Let the games begin.

  1. The first line is ‘squeal like a pig’. Followed, minutes later, by the phrase ‘squeal. squeal like a pig.’ Both uttered by a very pale blond child in his tighty whiteys. We’re off to a great start.
  2. The subtitles are switching from the top of the screen to the bottom. Just to confuse me, I’m pretty sure.
  3. A bully in school just poked the blond boy’s nose and oinked. There seems to be a pig theme. I’m wondering if this is cultural or specific to this movie. Anyone? Is talking about pigs and squealing a Swedish thing?
  4. The DB has switched to the hockey game. Not exactly conducive to the horror movie vibe.
  5. 9 minutes in – a dude just got ‘halothaned’, strung up from a tree, and had a funnel inserted into his jugular. I guess if you’re going to drain somebody’s blood, using butcher like methods is probably considerably more effective than sucking on their neck, yeah?
  6. It just occured to me that as this is a new movie, I may be spoiling it for readers. Trying to decide if I care…… nope. If you’re planning on seeing it, stop reading, go watch it, and then come back. K? K.
  7. Do you think most dogs would drink human blood if given the chance?
  8. Who HASN’T felt like stabbing a tree because it was staring at you, at one time or another?
  9. Little girl. Sandals and tee shirt, sleeps in a jungle gym – in Stockholm, in mid-winter. I personally would immediately assume vampire. Plus, she glows a little. Is the Twilight phenomenon THAT pervasive?
  10. I’m sort of lost. So is the DB. Are Europeans smarter than us? Or have we just had too many ss? (I’m tired of typing ‘scotchy-snacks’, and am too damn adorable to just type ‘scotch’.)
  11. This movie is full of tired, unhappy people.  Boo.
  12. AHHHH. Creepy creepy little girl eyes. I do not know how else to explain it.

    Someone else found her eyes just as creepy and made this awesome picture to help me illustrate it.

  13. Oskar (squeally boy) is learning morse code using an encyclopedia. Do they not have Wolfram Alphain Sweden? Are you wondering why he’s learning morse code? Yeah, me too. Oh! Spoke too soon. He’s teaching it to the little girl vampire who says that she’s ‘twelve, more or less’, because thier exceptionally depressing dormitory-like apartments are next to each other.
  14. “If you practice, you can make strong,” says the PE teacher. I’m having my doubts about the ability of the translators hired for this flick.
  15. How do cats and dogs always recognize vampires? Do they stink? Smell exxxtra plus awesome? Can they see the vampires sparkles better than us?
  16. Touching ‘visiting the estranged father’ interlude. Copmletely vampire free. Europeans are definitely more patient than Americans.
  17. Aww. Who puts someone’s pants in a urinal? Seriously? I can’t decide if I want the vampire chick to turn Oskar or put him out of his misery or kick the ass of his tormentors.
  18. If I was a vampire, I would be using my superhuman powers (flying, imperviousness to cold, etc) to be a super criminal. Much like Benny from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. <sigh>
  19. Naked twelve year olds in bed together. DEFINITELY not an American movie. I mean, Buffy (SMG, not KS) hooked up with Angel when she was 16 and he was 227, but there is a big difference between 12 and 16. I’m trying to remember what I would have done with a naked boy when I was twelve. Nothing much, I think – maybe some cootie accusations at most.  These kids didn’t do much either, of course. I spose he’s just lucky that he wasn’t getting drained. (Of blood, I mean. Come on, perv.)
  20. ACID on FACE. BOOOO.
  21. Last week one of my fingers spontaneously bruised. It was weird, and based on the events of this movie, may imply that I’m turning into a vampire. Bummer. I’m taking the DB and the puppies with me if I go though. If sometime in the near future you’re approached by two adorable little dogs on the street and it’s after dark, you might want to walk in the opposite direction. Or, ya know, run.

    Aww. The girls are totally getting these once were all undead together.

    Aww. The girls are totally getting these once we're all undead together.

  22. Short bathroom break. The DB is in the process of redoing his downstairs bathroom, and doesn’t have a mirror over the sink right now. I am fully aware of this, and yet, just know when I went to wash my hands, my first thought was ‘where the hell is my reflection? Oh FUCK!’
  23. I sincerely doubt I would be brave enough to burn myself to death if I found out I really was a vampire. Which puts me a notch below slutty local pub woman on the ‘good person’ scale.
  24. What the FUCK was that? Um. Not to be too graphic… we just got an up-skirt shot of vampire chick. And either critical parts of her are perpendicular to that those of every other woman on the planet or…. well. I don’t know. She was a boy? And had her key parts removed and stitched up? I’m not having sex for a week. At least. Cause, ew.
  25. Aww, romantic kisses. Between twelve year olds. One of whom has a blood covered mouth. And oh yeah, there’s a recently drained corpse on the floor. So sweet.

Ok. Unexpectedly romantic and exceptionally bloody. Overall, I give it eight cupcakes (out of a possible dozen).

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Filed under I have a pop culture problem, I make lists, movie club, whoops