You guys, Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka totally wants to interview me! (Ok fine she wants to interview everyone, but I am part of everyone so shut it and just let me pretend.)
1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?
- I think that they should stop calling it cheese and then everyone would be all smiles.
2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.
- Yes, but it involves six backhoes and taking down the entire internet… so it would theoretically take you and me down too.
3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?
- Seth Green. He’s just this teeny tiny little person who makes really shitty movies. And yet.
4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?
- Running a ridiculously insanely successful small town bakery called Emma’s that also hosts book clubs and showcases local art and is everyone in the universe’s favorite place to be. Failing that, I would want to be one of those people that is essentially an expediter for television shows – I forget what they’re called but I would kick serious ass at that job.
5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?
- Well, actual revenge is the best revenge – but looking damn hot never hurts.
6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?
- Um… I auditioned for American Idol. I applied to a dating website that only accepts pretty people and haven’t heard back. I do not know how to use apostrophes correctly. I may have once had an underwear related accident that I’m NOT TALKING ABOUT.
7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?
- Aside from the underwear thing, I tell all. This is me, baby.
8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?
- Understanding dogs. Assuming, of course, that it doesn’t have to be a real talent.
9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?
- If you can take one sip of water, there is room for Jello. If you’re sooooo full that even a sip would make you bloat up like Violet Beauregard without the additional coloring then no, there is no room for Jello.
10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?
- Plucking hairs. Mine, other people’s, whether they need to be plucked or not. I could do it ALL DAY.
I do this horrible thing to the boy where I turn to him and say ‘tell me something interesting’. He hates it and to my recollection has never actually responded with anything except ‘why would you do that to me? Now I can’t think of anything!’
I’m baffled by this. Partially because I have soooo many things to say that I have to turn to blogging and tweeting just to get them all out, and partially because someone is giving you free rein to tell them whatever you want. If he asked me, I’d tell him some of the things that I always meant to tell him but never got around to – like the time I saw a real gorilla in the backseat of a car in Golden, or how I think that him being in the car with me when I get pulled over guarantees I’ll get a ticket.
The car was significantly less cool and there was no Pink Panther, but you can see my point.
However, I’ve recently started whoring (ahem… is that the word I mean to use? Um.. yes, yes I think it is) my blog out a little bit more than I used to. I participated in Final Girl’s Film Club, and now I’m jumping on board Temerity Jane’s People Who Comment project. I’m also participating in NaBloPoMo, in case you didn’t catch that.
(Speaking of Film Club, the tiniest sprinter-yes I said yes-sosovelo-emmanation-and-friends film club has a new selection! Blood Freak. It’s due Nov 9th and when asked about the film years after it’s release, the writer referred to it as “a sad chapter in my life.” If that doesn’t make you want to participate, I don’t know what will.)
Anyhow. After jumping on all these ‘look at me’ bandwagons, I’m starting to see the boy’s problem. Nothing quite like being on the spot to completely dry up any well of awesomeness you may have, at one point, had. Even if you put yourself on said spot.
The moral of this post is twofold.
1) I do not always like the things that I do to myself, even when they are things that I totally want to do.
2) I will accept suggestions on interesting/funny/awesome/embarrassing blogging subjects to help me get through NaBloPoMo. Leave your ideas in the comments, email them at emmanationblog [at] gmail.com, or if you are related to me and therefore have my phone number, call me. Seriously people, there are 26 days left in November. Twenty. Six. Help.
In order to craft the perfect second NaBloPoMo posting, I took the day off from work.
Ok, that’s not technically true. Technically, I have 7.5 days of vacation that I have to use by December 31st or I’ll lose them, and I’m having a hard time getting it all in. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but that’s 7.5 days out of 32 work days, which means I have to take slightly more than one out of every five days off for the rest of the year. Poooooor me.
Anyway, today we’re going to play a little game. I’m going to create a list of Twenty Things I’ve Learned About Love, and you’re going to guess whether I learned them from a) TV/movies, b) my life, or c) the life of a real person that I personally know. If you are working with TJ to become a Person Who Comments, or you’re just naturally a commenter, leave your guesses!
- How do you know someone loves you? You know when they know the worst thing about you and it’s ok.
- Love is biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.
- While he may leave her for someone else, he will never leave her for you.
- Men who work in bagel shops are not to be trusted.
- If you marry your high school sweetheart, be prepared to spend your life listening to fart jokes.
- If you marry your high school sweetheart, be prepared to have your head cut off and put in a box by a serial killer.
- Real vampires make good boyfriends as long as they have souls.
- Gothboys who pretend they’re vampires do not make good boyfriends.
- Expensive sports memorabilia does not make a good gift for your girlfriend who does not follow sports, no matter how much you personally may love the team.
- How do you know someone loves you? They know the supernatural thing about you and it’s ok.
- Illicit sex is better practiced in rooms that are not full of shelves covered with precariously balanced fragile objects.
- EVERYBODY knows when two people are having an affair. Especially if one or both of them get murdered.
- If your husband claims to have a mysterious job that keeps him out of town roughly half the time and doesn’t have as much money as it seems like he should, you might want to check the marriage records for any second wives.
- IM was a godsend for people who like to talk about sex. Also, chemistry over IM does not necessarily indicate personal chemistry.
- Online dating can actually help you find your soulmate.
- Engineers and teachers are very compatible. Engineers and engineers, more so.
- John Cusack, despite being completely batshit insane in real life (don’t believe me? see him here on twitter (@shockozulu)) is very lovable if you happen to be in a movie. (Is this one too easy? Also, does it contain too many parenthesis? (Is that even possible?))
- Bachelor parties do not focus on fake vaginas to the extent that bachelorette parties focus on fake penises.
- When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you forget how truly frightening a burgeoning romance can be and think that you miss the ‘rush’.
- How do you know someone loves you? They read every entry of your blog.
The only hint I’ll give you is that number 11 is not something I learned personally. No really, it’s not. I swear.
P.S. Does ‘vagina’ have a plural that I’m not aware of? Or has no one in the history of writing ever needed to refer to them in the plural before? WordPress is telling me I misspelled it, but has no alternate suggestions.