Category Archives: turns out I'm a feminist

last one – promise

I swear. After this you will never see the words Black Devil Doll on this blog ever again.

Remember yesterday when I basically said ‘to each his own’?
That was before someone logged on as the black devil doll and said that he’d “give it to me hard”. And said that people who take a doll raping a woman seriously is stupid.

People who don’t take a doll raping a woman seriously don’t understand what rape is. People who think that exploitation is like pizza don’t understand exploitation. I’m actually a little disgusted with myself for giving them so much space, but I can’t let these comments go by. Never again, though – there’s not a lot lower they can go from here.

This was fun yesterday. Now it’s just awful. Remember how classy the writer of Gingerdead Man was when Sam panned his movie? Hat tip to that fellow.

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under I'm a cranky brat, movie club, turns out I'm a feminist

trust women

It’s the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, and Blog for Choice asks “what does trust women mean to you”?

I am pro-choice. I’m not going to try to explain why or tell you that you have to be pro-choice too, but I think ‘trust women’ and the statement it can be rolled up into – ‘trust individuals’ – is a good one. Trust people to make their own choices. To do what is right for them. Personally, abortion would not be right for me. I crossed that line sometime during or immediately following college. If I had a baby now, it wouldn’t be ideal, but I would make it work and I have no doubt I would love him or her with my entire being.

And you know what? If my 19 year old self had had an abortion, my current self would have been proud of her for that. Because I trust her.

On a semi-related note, a late-30-something coworker came into my office yesterday and waved his hands in the air and said “I love my son. I love my dead, gay, son“.  And left. He doesn’t have a son, dead, gay, or otherwise, in case you were wondering. My office is so weird.

1 Comment

Filed under tellin secrets, turns out I'm a feminist

boobies

Warning: family members and coworkers (particularly those of the non-utero-American variety) might want to skip this post. Dad, I am specifically talking to you and I am not kidding.

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way – I think my boobs are shrinking. I don’t know how it’s happening, but I’m pretty sure it is. I’m thinking about this because of a post on Shapely Prose yesterday called ‘of boobages’. How can you NOT read it, with a title like that? It’s a frank discussion of breast size written by a woman whose boobs apparently grow and shrink with the seasons, her hormones, and perhaps what she ate for breakfast.

This one time, before I met the boy, I took Shovonda shopping with me for a cute shirt to wear on a summertime date.

I ended up with something like this.

While I was trying it on, Shovonda said ‘that will be PERFECT with a better bra’.

‘What’s wrong with my bra?’ I was wearing a version of the same damn bra I wear every day.

‘Well…’ Here she looked at me like I she was about to revoke my status as a woman – ‘it’s not, you know, doing anything for you’.

Basically something like this, except instead of paying Gap $32 for one, I buy a two pack from the girls section of Target for $7.99. Yeah, you're jealous.

I started looking into bras that would… ahem… do something for me. There are choices, but they all made me feel like an idiot, so I haven’t bought one yet.

This one gives you TWO extra cup sizes. That's the difference between oranges and grapefruits, people.

Please be aware that these pictures are representative of what you get when you search for ‘wireless cotton bra’ vs. ‘padded bra’. Apparently us wireless cotton girls don’t need wind tousled hair and leopard print fabric.

Volcanista, the blogger that wrote the above mentioned post, has been in my shoes. She’s also, apparently, been in the shoes I’d be in if I bought the above bra.

It was very easy to notice changes in how I was treated between month A [A cup bra] and month C [C cup bra]…But what caught me even more by surprise was how much friendlier people were — men and women, friends and colleagues and strangers. Most of those people probably were not even particularly interested in sleeping with me or deliberately hitting on me (hard to believe, I know!). They were just… nicer. I didn’t have to wear anything especially revealing for that to be true, either. Bigger breasts just meant better treatment in general, and while some men were creepy and deliberate about it (see above), for most people it seemed to be unconscious. We are heavily socially conditioned to react favorably to breasts.

I have no idea if that’s true. Also yesterday (which was apparently a boobieful day), I wore a tank top under a cardigan to work. The tank top rides about seven fingers below my collar bone. One of my coworkers came in and raised his eyebrow eeeever so slightly, clearly indicating that he thought it was something of a risqué choice.

My first thought was to leap to my defense by saying ‘but my boobs are SMALL!’ Fortunately I didn’t, because on the scale of professionalism that’s about a negative 4 (where 0 is saying ‘fuck’ at work (which I do all the time)). But it’s true. If my girls were a C, I would never in a million years have worn a shirt that low cut.

So. On to a deep analysis of my breast size.

  • Pro: A lot of the fashion choices that I make, I am able to make because of my size. I can sub unlined tank tops for bras, I can expose a wider expanse of the skin on my chest because of my reduced non-existent cleavage, and I can work out in my day-to-day bras in a pinch. I’m comfortable with how my breasts look on my body, which is also not gigantic.
  • Con: My friends with more generously endowed breasts are objects of fantasy (I know this because apparently having little boobs makes men think I’m practically packing a penis and would therefore love to hear about how much they want to motorboat that girl down the hall). They’re frequently construed as more feminine, and sexier in the way that the leopard print bra girl is sexier. More looks on the street kind of sexier. Joan Holloway sexier. Also, based on the research conducted by Volcanista, people are nicer to them. Even people who don’t want to get into their pants.

Balanced. Ish.

BUT NOW THEY’RE SHRINKING.

This is bullshit. Everyone be really nice to me, even with my little boobs. Ok? Promise?

Thanks.

1 Comment

Filed under it's hard being this beautiful, tellin secrets, turns out I'm a feminist

the beautiful people

I’m IN. Holy crap. Yes, darlings, enough men found my picture acceptable to get me through the fabled golden gates of beautifulpeople.com, the website that recently kicked out 5000 folks for “too much holiday weight gain”. I’m practicing my investigative journalism skills since my skills as a restaurant reviewer are clearly lacking.

Ok, first things first, they would like me to create a profile. The things they want to know are very very specific.

  • Car owner? Yes/No
  • Smoker? Yes/No
  • Hair color? Drop down list of every hair color you can think of, including bald.
  • Eye color? All, including ‘other’. What color isn’t green, hazel, blue, dark blue, grey, brown, dark brown, or light brown? Do people have purple eyes? Yellow? Are Jacob the werewolf’s eyes yellow?
  • Weight in lbs? Again, an available drop down menu. Highest possible range: 260-264. Lowest possible range: 40-44. Apparently they accept kindergarteners.
  • Height in feet? 2 inch increments from 4’11” to 6″11.  I’m an inch and a half from being forced to lie.
  • Body type? Choices: slim, average, toned, athletic, muscular, cuddly, ample. I like that they stuck ample in there, but apparently you’re only allowed to be ample up to 264 pounds.
  • Relationship status? Choices: single, married, not specified, or in a relationship. Classy, beautifulpeople.com.

Thus far, I’m telling the truth in all of these questions.

  • Education? Level of degree.
  • Job title? Open answer. I said blogger. I’m giving them every chance to discover my undercover identity, here.
  • Job description? I figure blogger pretty much covers it.

Ok, mostly the kind of thing a normal non beautiful people dating site would want you to answer.

  • Details. Like: country, state, city, address, cell phone number, etc.

Obviously not answering those beyond state. Cause, creepy.  Now we get into the open answer questions.

  • Profile description? This would be where you insert your cleverness, I suppose. And explain why you’re on a dating website that allows ‘married’ as a relationship status.
  • International text? There is no explanation of what they mean by that. At all. Just those words and an empty box.

This is all very bizarre. I’m going to delve into the photos of local beautiful people. If I find anything fascinating, I’ll (of course) post immediately. Because really, what else do I have to do.

3 Comments

Filed under girl geek, I have a pop culture problem, it's hard being this beautiful, turns out I'm a feminist

it's not your fault you're always wrong

I know, I know, I promised a best of the naughties people (giggle) post yesterday. I am a horrible terrible slacker, because I’m not going to do it at all.

True story.

In it’s stead, I’m going to talk about this: BeautifulPeople.com.

Don’t get all hasty about clicking the link right now – the only beautiful people you’ll see immediately are these two, because the site has been so inundated with visitors after a recent piece of news that you can’t get past the first page.

I'm willing to bet they're not actually members. Just a guess.

Have you found yourself unable to get a date by actually meeting people in real life, but unwilling to try online dating because you’re sure everyone will be just plain ugly? BeautifulPeople.com feels your pain, so they created a dating site just for you.

Merely click and create a profile that contains nothing but your name, age, gender, and country of residence. Oh, and a photo, of course. Sit back and wait 72 hours for members of the opposite sex (apparently there are no GayPeople on BeautifulPeople) to give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down, using just the profile photo you uploaded. If you get a certain amount of thumbs up – you’re in! If not, don’t worry – according to managing director Greg Hodge, 80% of people who apply don’t get accepted.

Of course, if you ARE a part of the lucky 20% that is considered beautiful enough, you better be careful what you eat. They just kicked out 5,000 members because of holiday weight gain.

I’m so not kidding.

Of course, I’m planning an infiltration. How could I not be? I want to see what these beautiful people look like. I want to see how much weight gain it took to get booted, and how often you’re required to post a new photo – I can’t imagine that 5000 people who prided themselves on their self described beauty thought ‘hm, I’ve put on a couple of pounds – I should take a pic and show all my beautiful friends!’.

I applied. I’m sort of hanging my head in shame, but if I get in, expect all the juicy details.

This was the picture that I thought best fit in with what I’m guessing is their aesthetic. If it isn’t found beautiful enough, I’ll need to borrow someone’s photoshop skills. And someone’s photo, please. Failing that, I can just buy all of the male members several beers.

“According to BeautifulPeople.com, ”vigilant members” called for drastic action after users posted photos of themselves celebrating Christmas and the New Year – revealing they had ”let themselves go”.

Managing director Greg Hodge said: ”We responded to complaints by moving the newly chubby members back to the rating stage. This is the same as having them re-apply.

”Their re-applications were reviewed by existing members and only a few hundred were voted back in. Over 5,000 were rejected.””

Ridiculous. Fat and beautiful are not exclusive, ‘vigilant members’. You want to see just two of the many millions of reasons I know that?

Mmhmm. Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Photo from V’s size issue, which will be released Jan 14th. Click the picture to see more of these lovely ladies.

1 Comment

Filed under I'm a cranky brat, it's all about me, it's hard being this beautiful, turns out I'm a feminist

it’s not your fault you’re always wrong

I know, I know, I promised a best of the naughties people (giggle) post yesterday. I am a horrible terrible slacker, because I’m not going to do it at all.

True story.

In it’s stead, I’m going to talk about this: BeautifulPeople.com.

Don’t get all hasty about clicking the link right now – the only beautiful people you’ll see immediately are these two, because the site has been so inundated with visitors after a recent piece of news that you can’t get past the first page.

I'm willing to bet they're not actually members. Just a guess.

Have you found yourself unable to get a date by actually meeting people in real life, but unwilling to try online dating because you’re sure everyone will be just plain ugly? BeautifulPeople.com feels your pain, so they created a dating site just for you.

Merely click and create a profile that contains nothing but your name, age, gender, and country of residence. Oh, and a photo, of course. Sit back and wait 72 hours for members of the opposite sex (apparently there are no GayPeople on BeautifulPeople) to give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down, using just the profile photo you uploaded. If you get a certain amount of thumbs up – you’re in! If not, don’t worry – according to managing director Greg Hodge, 80% of people who apply don’t get accepted.

Of course, if you ARE a part of the lucky 20% that is considered beautiful enough, you better be careful what you eat. They just kicked out 5,000 members because of holiday weight gain.

I’m so not kidding.

Of course, I’m planning an infiltration. How could I not be? I want to see what these beautiful people look like. I want to see how much weight gain it took to get booted, and how often you’re required to post a new photo – I can’t imagine that 5000 people who prided themselves on their self described beauty thought ‘hm, I’ve put on a couple of pounds – I should take a pic and show all my beautiful friends!’.

I applied. I’m sort of hanging my head in shame, but if I get in, expect all the juicy details.

This was the picture that I thought best fit in with what I’m guessing is their aesthetic. If it isn’t found beautiful enough, I’ll need to borrow someone’s photoshop skills. And someone’s photo, please. Failing that, I can just buy all of the male members several beers.

“According to BeautifulPeople.com, ”vigilant members” called for drastic action after users posted photos of themselves celebrating Christmas and the New Year – revealing they had ”let themselves go”.

Managing director Greg Hodge said: ”We responded to complaints by moving the newly chubby members back to the rating stage. This is the same as having them re-apply.

”Their re-applications were reviewed by existing members and only a few hundred were voted back in. Over 5,000 were rejected.””

Ridiculous. Fat and beautiful are not exclusive, ‘vigilant members’. You want to see just two of the many millions of reasons I know that?

Mmhmm. Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Photo from V’s size issue, which will be released Jan 14th. Click the picture to see more of these lovely ladies.

1 Comment

Filed under I'm a cranky brat, it's all about me, it's hard being this beautiful, turns out I'm a feminist

Best of the Naughties

First of all, how hilarious is it to call the recently departed decade the Naughties? I picked it up from Jezebel and Slate (I think) and I find it giggle inducing every time I say it.

Naughties. Giggle.

This decade was a whopper for me personally. Of course, it was one of only three that I’ve been alive and one of two that I’ve been a functioning member of society (i.e. having an age that’s in the double digits), so it wasn’t hard for it to be significant. I finished college, went to pastry school, went through several careers, fell in and out of love with a few men (in once more than out, fortunately), became the proud mama of two fabulous dogs, bought a house, and got three tattoos. I wholeheartedly adopted blogging, painting, twitter, compulsive furniture rearranging, orchids, vegetarianism, veganism (temporarily), and running. I made friends, lost friends, my brother moved away, my dad moved away and came back, my parents got divorced, and I gained and lost thirty pounds. As I said, a whopper.

However, turns out it’s near to impossible to remember tens years worth of movies and books. Here goes nothing – if I forget something incredible or critical or not-to-be-forgotten, remind me. That’s what the comments are for.

Movies

– There are so many reasons this movie stuck with me. 1) Michelle Rodriguez. She is hot and strong and I’ve been madly in love with her since long before her turn on Lost. 2) The naughties (giggle) were the decade of my slow birth as a feminist, and this movie was a large part of what kicked that off. 3) Punching. Lots of punching.

– Have you seen this? You see how Rose McGowan’s leg has been replaced by a machine gun? You see the big skull and crossbones on the hood of that car? Are you going to go out and rent it RIGHT NOW? What if I told you that the incredible Zoe Bell, who did Uma Thurman’s stunts in Kill Bill, played herself and did a whole scene where she rides on the hood of a car for fun? For FUN! Go rent it. I’m not even kidding. If you trust me, go buy it. You won’t be sorry. Do you need a little more encouragement? Ok, here is just one of many fake trailers that are included.

– Fine, maybe Slither isn’t technically a ‘good’ movie. You know what though? It’s the closest the naughties (giggle) came to a new Tremors, and Tremors is my favorite movie of all time. Of. All. Time. Shut UP. Also – Nathan Fillion, lookin all hot. As per usual.

TV

I’m going with three different categories here. First, best overall new show. Second, best single episode. Third, best character added in the naughties (giggle). Doesn’t that sound all sensible? I’m nothing if not sensible. Sensible sensible. Sensible. Ha.

Best New Show

– Ah Grey’s, how I love thee. With your extremely attractive doctors and your best-tv-relationship-EVER (Meredith and Derek, like I need to say it). With your story lines that made me skip everything on Thursday nights – dates, parties, classes, audiences with the pope, whatever. Please, never stop. Ever.

Best Single Episode

– Yeah yeah yeah I’m a gigantic geek. I’ve dealt with it. The musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was fan-fucking-tastic and there are an entire posse of geeks out there that agree with me. See?

Best New Character

– YesfineI’mmorethanmildlyobsessedwithJossWhedoncanwemoveon? Winifred Burkle, from Angel. While Angel officially spun off from Buffy in 99, Fred wasn’t saved from her otherworldly cave of insanity until 2001 so this totally counts. Fred is neurotic and genius and pretty much the anti-Cordelia. If you don’t know who Cordelia is… well, I don’t know where to start. No, really. Just believe me when I say Fred is the girl every smart girl wants to be.

Online

– This was the decade of the mocking website. This Is Why You’re Fat, Cake Wrecks, Fuck You Penguin, Your Tattoo Sucks, Hot Chicks with Douchebags, Fail Blog – people, you have made meanness into an art. This was also, of course, the decade of LOLspeak – but we won’t talk about that.

– Emmanation.wordpress.com started in 2007 (sort of). I don’t know if you guys are reading that shit, but MAN it’s hilarious and insightful and just plain magical. You should go check it out.

Books

I’m sorry, loves, but this one is impossible. I have probably read upwards of 1000 books in the last ten years, and I cannot pick favorites. That’s like asking me to pick my favorite breath or my favorite strand of hair. Just not gonna happen. (Because I love breathing and I love my hair, get it? I am SO funny that sometimes I feel like I have to explain my funny. Just in case it was too funny.)

Social Phenomena

I’m not going to mention Myspace or Facebook or Twitter or Napster (because I never used Napster of course – hear me, FCC?). Partially because drrr, and partially because I’d like to look back on this ten years from now and not be mortified.

Speaking of mortification:

– I was in a band. We were called The Take. I wore skirts (what you’re seeing is the longest of my onstage skirts by several inches, in deference to the fact that it was like -2 the night we played at the Larimer Lounge) and Cons and sang songs with titles like Disease of Our Youth and thought I was the sexiest thing with a microphone. Because I was. Obviously.

This is normally where I’d segue into the people of the naughties (giggle) but I have a LOT of candidates – real life, celebs, four legged, etc. Therefore, I’m moving that to it’s very own post. Tomorrow, dear readers.

I hope that you enjoyed the naughties (giggle) as much as I obviously did.

My cold and I are going roller skating.

Muah.

1 Comment

Filed under girl geek, I have a pop culture problem, I make lists, it's all about me, sunday best, the people I love, things I think are pretty, turns out I'm a feminist