Category Archives: other people are sometimes funny too

Really, Apple? Really?

There are so many neat features about this tablet. It’s a good size for web browsing, the depth of screen shown in the pic above is actually (in my opinion) preferable to the flat grey of the Kindle, and hell, apparently it’s only $500. If, of course, you only want Wi-Fi and 16 GB.

I know there are some people out there who do not particularly approve, but I actually sort of wish I hadn’t bought my little netbook six months ago.

Not that my netbook isn't also sized to be quite portable.

I’m not going to buy one, though. You know why, Apple?

You named it the iPad.

Do you have no women on your marketing team? I am not the only person that immediately thought:

See?

Come on, people. The iPod was fine – cute, even. The iPhone made perfect sense. What’s wrong with iTab? iBook? iAnythingThatIsn’tPeriodRelated?

Of course, there are the folks that disagree with my assessment.

This post kicked off a very angry conversation with Chewbacca.

Chewbacca: your fb post made Chewbacca  very angry.

emma: the iPad one?

Chewbacca: yes. You are widening the gap between men and women so we will not get along with each other

Chewbacca: or attempting to.

Chewbacca: it is really mean

emma: it’s not me

emma: it’s Apple naming it the iPad

Chewbacca: no. its that you have no other thought than to associate to “girl power”

Chewbacca: what other words isn’t apple allowed to use?

emma: i’m just sayin it’s bad marketing

Chewbacca: I am not sure I am gonna let my wife hang out with you anymore.

emma: ha

Chewbacca: until you show signs of supporting the opposite sex as much or more than your own.

emma: more, huh?

Chewbacca: well you have dug yourself quite a hole to get out of…..missy

There you go. Not only is the iPad an awesome little tablet thingy, it’s name is going to be the last straw in the battle of the sexes.

Really, Apple?

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Filed under girl geek, I have a pop culture problem, I think I'm funny, other people are sometimes funny too, really? REALLY?

the tiniest sprinter is a party pooper

tiniest sprinter: so how’s the butt?

emma: achy. i think it’s broken.

tiniest sprinter: whaaa? what does that mean? can you still do stuff? we’re talking tailbone here, right?

emma: yeah. tailbone. i think i broke it because the symptoms of bruising are different. it hurts when i sit on it. but not actually more than when i’m not sitting on it. its hard to explain. but i think it’s broken.

tiniest sprinter: i’ve heard they don’t DO anything for it if it’s broken anyway, though, right?

emma: right. maybe tell me to stop skating. and fuck that shit.

tiniest sprinter: you should have the tailbone removed!

emma: i was talking about that last night. and either get it replaced with titanium so i can mess some girls up. or some floppy polymer so i’m all bendy.

tiniest sprinter: or just removed. i doubt it does anything.

emma: ok but imagine if it was titanium. and i could put thread on there and then get a titanium tail and screw it on and off whenever i wanted.

tiniest sprinter: gross. the tail would come out from between your butt cheeks.

emma: wow you are just a serious party pooper today

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Filed under I'm a cranky brat, other people are sometimes funny too, the people I love, they let me on skates?

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk

Chewbacca*: big Saturday Night Fever fan?

emmanation: nope

emmanation: I seem to remember it being quite depressing

emmanation: right?

Chewbacca: oh emma

Chewbacca: there are so many life lessons in that movie….I am really starting to feel distant from you.

emmanation: I hate depressing movies

emmanation: tell me the life lessons

emmanation: without me having to watch it

emmanation: then we both win

Chewbacca: and horror movies are not depressing…….mmmmmmm you have issues

emmanation: horror movies aren’t even a little bit depressing

emmanation: you have it backwards

Chewbacca: I wholeheartedly disagree….Horror movies desensitize you to the world

Chewbacca: life lessons from Sat night fever

Chewbacca:

  1. There are two types of women….Neighborhood sluts and girls that want more out of life. You are better off with the latter.
  2. Hard work in a paint store will get you a raise.
  3. The weekend is for dancing not just drinking.
  4. A group of friends with similar interests is what life is all about until one of them gets beat up in a gang fight and then tells you on his hospital bed that it is not worth it.
  5. It is ok to have a sense of community and strut around it….and to dream of visiting other places in a bigger city.
  6. Watch out for Puerto Ricans…..They can dance better than Italians.
  7. Put a napkin over your shirt before you go out.
  8. Spending extra time on your hair will get you the girl in the end.

emmanation: LOL

emmanation: these are excellent

Chewbacca: 9) Don’t give a short whiney guy drugs…..It exaggerates depression and he may jump off a bridge

emmanation: too far

*not his real name.

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Filed under I have a pop culture problem, I make lists, other people are sometimes funny too, the people I love, work

the tiniest sprinter gets and loses a girlfriend

me: i forgot to tell you something funny

there is a girl on my derby team named nicolette

and when i met her someone said she should marry my brother

and i said that i’d introduce you

but she’d have to steal you from your girlfriend

and that you were 25

and she’s like 32

and we decided that you were dating but then the age difference and the girlfriend thing were just too hard

and you had to break up

and then i took her picture

so you could see your ex girlfriend that you never met

and she said to tell you it was the best 30 second long distance relationship of her life

Sam: excellent

me: sending it now

Sam: we would have dark haired children with excellent cheekbones

me: that you would

The Ex Future Mrs. Tiniest Sprinter

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Filed under I think I'm funny, other people are sometimes funny too, the people I love, they let me on skates?

hey, remember that time?

Mornin’ loves!

I was a gigantic cranky pants yesterday, in case you didn’t notice. The boy IM’d me after I posted the blog about silliness in our relationship.

the boy: what!? Making up Neil Diamond lyrics about how much he loves his Bedazzler is not “silly” enough?? (This is true. He made up an entire song’s worth. I almost threw up I was laughing so hard.)

me: LOL. I forgot about that. You’re totally right. I’ll add an adendum.

the boy: I know that was certainly at the forefront of your mind, but it just wouldn’t fit with the tone of the post.

me: Oh right yeah that’s totally completely exactly what happened.

Apparently we’re silly all the time and I was just being dour and sour and generally 100 kinds of crotchety. Which is a funny word and makes me smile, because it simultaneously brings up mental images of old people and makes me think of crotch and how can you not laugh when you hear that word? Crotch. Ha.

I feel much better today though, because last night I had a complete failure of a derby practice and I adored every single second of it.

  • We practiced falls. I am SUPER good at falls. If there was an MVF (most valuable faller) award for the newbies, I would totally win.
  • We practiced skating backwards. I am super good at standing up on my skates while facing backwards (you know you’re facing backwards when you’re facing the opposite direction that everyone else is moving).
  • We practiced stopping. I am super good at the stop that looks like the plow stop they teach three year old skiers. The other ones mostly involve skating backwards and not standing backwards, so I’ll have to grow into those.

I also got my mentor. Her name is Raven Lunachic and she didn’t smack me upside the head when I failed to skate backwards for the tenth straight minute in a row, which leads me to believe a) that she’s incredibly patient and b) that I would not make a good mentor because that would have been my instinct after about two minutes.

Basically, I love derby and I love silliness and I’m thinking that maybe I should just start staying at home under the covers on Thursdays. Fuck Thursdays, right? Can I get a hell yeah?

Muah.

See? MVF. Also, could I BE any sexier?



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Filed under dating is fun!, it's all about me, other people are sometimes funny too, they let me on skates?

I would ride the darkest horse, that’s the horse I’d ride

An except from the business lunch I just left.

My boss: Emma is such a geek.

My coworker: What? Emma got engaged? When??

Me:.. what?

Coworker: Boss just said you got engaged.

Me: No, he said I’m a geek. Your ears are broken. If I was engaged I certainly would have said something.

Boss: Not with that ring you wouldn’t. (looking pointedly at my empty ring finger)

Me: I don’t believe in engagement rings.

All: (Blank stares)

Coworker: Why, because of the diamonds?

Me: Well, that and the fact that when women started wearing them early last century it was because they were expected to keep their virtue until marriage, and when they got engaged it was assumed that virtue had been lost (this was me trying to avoid saying ‘virginity’ to my coworkers). The ring was so that if the guy bailed she’d have something to get her through spinsterhood. If men wore them as well it would be different.

Boss: I bought my wife’s engagement ring at Tiffanys.

Me: I’m not sure you understood the point I just made.

Boss: I told her giving it to her was like buying options in a farm.

Me: …. so, how’s your sushi?

At least I didn’t say anything about asking for fatherly permission.

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Filed under other people are sometimes funny too, turns out I'm a feminist, work

I would ride the darkest horse, that's the horse I'd ride

An except from the business lunch I just left.

My boss: Emma is such a geek.

My coworker: What? Emma got engaged? When??

Me:.. what?

Coworker: Boss just said you got engaged.

Me: No, he said I’m a geek. Your ears are broken. If I was engaged I certainly would have said something.

Boss: Not with that ring you wouldn’t. (looking pointedly at my empty ring finger)

Me: I don’t believe in engagement rings.

All: (Blank stares)

Coworker: Why, because of the diamonds?

Me: Well, that and the fact that when women started wearing them early last century it was because they were expected to keep their virtue until marriage, and when they got engaged it was assumed that virtue had been lost (this was me trying to avoid saying ‘virginity’ to my coworkers). The ring was so that if the guy bailed she’d have something to get her through spinsterhood. If men wore them as well it would be different.

Boss: I bought my wife’s engagement ring at Tiffanys.

Me: I’m not sure you understood the point I just made.

Boss: I told her giving it to her was like buying options in a farm.

Me: …. so, how’s your sushi?

At least I didn’t say anything about asking for fatherly permission.

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Filed under other people are sometimes funny too, turns out I'm a feminist, work