Category Archives: my happiness project

come they call us

It’s not November anymore.  I realize the time stamp on this post is 11/29, and that’s technically true, but it’s December in my house and heart (and of course all the stores).

I have sparkly snowflakes decorating my window, a lit tree behind me, and icicle lights hanging from my loft. There are chocolate chip cookies cooling on the counter and curry and rice bubbling on the stovetop. Admittedly neither of those is Christmasy alone, but they’re combining to make this sweet spicy yummy smell that’s totally working for me.

So in my house, it’s December. Merry December, darlings, whatever December means to you.

This dude loves December so much he's reaching out to give it a big ol fuzzy seal baby hug.

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Filed under my happiness project

Quick, say something funny

I do this horrible thing to the boy where I turn to him and say ‘tell me something interesting’. He hates it and to my recollection has never actually responded with anything except ‘why would you do that to me? Now I can’t think of anything!’

I’m baffled by this. Partially because I have soooo many things to say that I have to turn to blogging and tweeting just to get them all out, and partially because someone is giving you free rein to tell them whatever you want. If he asked me, I’d tell him some of the things that I always meant to tell him but never got around to – like the time I saw a real gorilla in the backseat of a car in Golden, or how I think that him being in the car with me when I get pulled over guarantees I’ll get a ticket.

The car was significantly less cool and there was no Pink Panther, but you can see my point.

However, I’ve recently started whoring (ahem… is that the word I mean to use? Um.. yes, yes I think it is) my blog out a little bit more than I used to. I participated in Final Girl’s Film Club, and now I’m jumping on board Temerity Jane’s People Who Comment project. I’m also participating in NaBloPoMo, in case you didn’t catch that.

(Speaking of Film Club, the tiniest sprinter-yes I said yes-sosovelo-emmanation-and-friends film club has a new selection! Blood Freak. It’s due Nov 9th and when asked about the film years after it’s release, the writer referred to it as “a sad chapter in my life.” If that doesn’t make you want to participate, I don’t know what will.)

Anyhow. After jumping on all these ‘look at me’ bandwagons, I’m starting to see the boy’s problem. Nothing quite like being on the spot to completely dry up any well of awesomeness you may have, at one point, had. Even if you put yourself on said spot.

The moral of this post is twofold.

1) I do not always like the things that I do to myself, even when they are things that I totally want to do.

2) I will accept suggestions on interesting/funny/awesome/embarrassing blogging subjects to help me get through NaBloPoMo. Leave your ideas in the comments, email them at emmanationblog [at] gmail.com, or if you are related to me and therefore have my phone number, call me. Seriously people, there are 26 days left in November. Twenty. Six. Help.

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Filed under girl geek, I have a pop culture problem, it's all about me, my happiness project, nablopomo, wherein I participate in other blogs

Where I ruminate on being a loser

As I was typing my title, I got a direct message on twitter.

google wave 1

Doesn’t make sense, does it. Ok, well what if I told you that before he wrote that to me, he wrote:

google wave 2That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I may have had SEVERAL major freakouts today, on such topics as:

  • I hate to go to the doctor and I have to go tomorrow. For a regular check up, not anything crucial.
  • I haven’t changed my furnace filter since… well, I’ve actually never changed my furnace filter. I think someone else may have at one point – but now that I think about it I realize that the last time I looked down into my creepy-dark-scary crawlspace a filter was sitting on top of the furnace. So it’s actual possible that my furnace is currently filterless. I almost left work early just to deal with this because all of a sudden it seems like an emergency. If it is no one tell me, ok? At least not until I’ve replaced it.
  • I found out something stupid at work that makes me feel even less important than I already felt. The good news from last week has evaporated into the ‘things-your-boss-tells-you-so-you-won’t-cry’ fog of corporate baloney (and for baloney, read ‘bullshit’).
  • My work buddy pointed out that I don’t exactly hide my blog and it’s possible that the boss-who-almost-made-me-cry might, at some point, read it.
  • I failed at the movie club. I was supposed to review It’s Pat for yesterday and I didn’t. I don’t have it, I don’t know where to get it – I’m a gigantic movie club loser.
  • I ate Noodles for lunch and now I feel all greasy. I thought I was done with that nasty I-have-to-wash-my-face feeling when I became a vegan – apparently not.
  • I offered to pick up Noodles for one of my coworkers since we were going to the same lunch meeting. When I brought it back he said ‘thanks for lunch’. Apparently I bought him lunch.
  • The font of the papers I have to read soonish is too small.

There’s more, but you get the gist. However, I apparently now get to play with GOOGLE WAVE. I do not personally know @heyrich – he’s in Boulder and I like to follow the locals. He does not personally know me but apparently he just likes making people happy.

Because I am. Happy, I mean. At least until the next completely not-that-bad thing happens. Yay.

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Filed under girl geek, I'm a cranky brat, my happiness project

and I would walk 500 miles

I’m back at work. Hence, minimal feminist blog reading and a slightly less pissed off Emma. Everybody wins except the bloggers I love so much.

I still don’t feel great, but I just did something I’m very proud of. I took all of my pissed offedness, I channeled it into some constructive requests, and I sat down with my boss. Lo and behold, I have a new responsibility that is, as one of my many mentors put it,  a ‘thankless clusterfuck’. You know what, though? It’s my thankless clusterfuck, and I will gladly take it. Anyway, I think he’s exaggerating because … well, that’s the kind of person he is. Yes, this responsibility is a mess, but that’s because everyone is paying attention to it but no one owns it. No longer, darlings – Emma is on the case.

Annyyyhow. Some other things that are making me happy to be alive today.

  • I called my doctors office to make an appointment for a regular old (girly parts) checkup, and I got a voicemail that said ‘many of our employees are out sick. Please leave a message and we’ll return your call as soon as we’re able.’ This may be the end of the world via swine flu, folks, and I’m pretty sure I just survived it. Yay. And yes, it’s awful that I think it’s cool that people are sick. Let me have my moment.
  • I’m torn on my halloween costume.
    Coraline or....

    Coraline or....

    Yuki?

  • My darling bff just read Twilight for the first time and was embarrassed to tell me, but broke down and spilled. She was all prepared to talk me into giving it a shot, but I confessed that I too devoured (poor choice of words in this situation?) all four books in a two week period. We then spent twenty minutes giggling on the phone like a couple of Twihards while her two year old burbled to herself in the background.
  • I look SUPER cute today.
  • I just got an app for my iPhone that tracks all of my outfits and when I wore them. Yes, I’m a gigantic nerd – we’ve covered this. I get to name each outfit and I have some seriously fabulous names. Here is a mere sample:
Today I'm wearing Schoolgirl. You can't see it in this shot, but my personal favorite is Hot Dog with Mustard. It's actually a damn cute outfit, name notwithstanding.

Today I'm wearing Schoolgirl. You can't see it in this shot, but my personal favorite is Hot Dog with Mustard. It's actually a damn cute outfit, name notwithstanding.

That’s all. If you haven’t read the tiniest sprinter’s most recent race report, here’s a spoiler: he fell on his face but makes it funny. Also, if you have any love for animals at all – dear god do NOT read the P.S.S.

Muah.

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Filed under I make lists, it's all about me, it's hard being this beautiful, my happiness project, things I think are pretty, work

when georgette plays a goth

I just joined this project to track my happiness. Originally enough, it’s called TrackYourHappiness.org. It’s designed for iPhones and it texts and emails me a few times a day, requesting that I take a survey. The survey generally has questions like:

How happy are you right now? (Sliding scale, I don’t have to pick 0-10 or anything. I dig it.)

Do you want to do what you’re doing?

Do you have to do what you’re doing?

How many things are you doing right now?

What time did you go to bed? What time did you wake up? Who are you with? How many people are you with? Are you inside or outside? Are you being productive? Etc. Etc.

The questions are slightly different every time, and in theory, once I’ve answered 50 of the surveys, I will get a complete report on my happiness.

That being said, I started a couple of days ago and have been pretty much nonstop cranky since I took the first one. I’m puuurrddy sure that the quizzes aren’t actually bringing me down, but I spose it’s possible. I decided to check in early, which I guess I’m not supposed to do, and here’s what I found out. Happiness is mostly shown on the vertical axis – zero being a ten hour day full of meetings and uncomfortable shoes, and 100 being a 16 hour days full of puppies and picnics.

Hm. I was happier yesterday than today (coulda told you that) and also than Monday. Wow. Fascinating stuff so far.

Hm. I was happier yesterday than today (coulda told you that) and also than Monday. Wow. Fascinating stuff so far.

Doing things I want to do makes me happier than doing things I have to do. The insight here is startling.

Doing things I want to do makes me happier than doing things I have to do. The insight here is startling.

Ok, I’m going to cut back on the snarky comments – this is probably why they didn’t want me looking when I was only 14% done. Anyway.

Huh.

'Who are you talking to?' Huh. (Happiness is on the bottom here, in case you didn't catch that.)

Double huh.

The question here is 'are you alone?'. Happiness again on the bottom. Double huh.

Productivity on the bottom axis. Apparently a) I'm never more than 40% productive and b) being non-productive thrills me to no end. I'm awesome. I deserve a raise.

Productivity on the bottom axis. Apparently a) I'm never more than 40% productive and b) being non-productive thrills me to no end. I'm awesome. I deserve a raise.

Were I to write myself a mantra based on what I’ve learned so far, it would likely be…

I, Emma, will spend more time alone, less time being productive, less time talking to my boyfriend and coworkers, and more time doing what I want. Also, I will attempt to have more Tuesdays, if possible.

If that’s too long, I could just replace it with “I’m a bitch who likes Tuesdays”.

Bummer.

*I just went an checked my stats. This is my 117th post. That’s always been one of my favorite numbers, so right now I’m feeling a little happier. Damn it, where is a quiz when I need one?

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Filed under I'm a cranky brat, my happiness project

as cool as I am I thought you'd know this already

I just finished reading two separate articles about being a single woman. You can find them here and here if you’re interested, but they can be summed up pretty simply.

Lea Lane, from the Huffington Post, is a widow and has enough to do and enough love that the downsides of having someone else around (dealing with burping, messiness, compromise, indifference) don’t seem worth it to her. Therefore she’s not actively searching for someone. Megan, of my perpetual favorite Jezebel, read Lea’s article and added her thoughts. They both end with the idea that the unhappiness that comes from being alone is never as bad as the unhappiness that comes with being in a bad relationship.

Together, the articles are almost enough to make a girl feel bad about having a boyfriend. (Aside: I’m not calling my boyfriend the DB anymore because we were IMing and he used “DB” to refer to someone we both think is a douchebag. Then we had a moment of silence. Then I promised not to call him that anymore. It stood for Dear Boyfriend, I swear.) Lea and Megan list all the things I loved about being single, and they make it sound like a strong feminist choice.

Excerpts from Lea:

I’m satisfied that I’ve sowed enough oats to make oatmeal for the New York Yankees and still have some left over to feed the waitstaff at Tavern on the Green, with a few spoonfuls to spare.

I don’t want my heart broken again. Ever.

I have an iPhone that I can play with anywhere I go to keep me company and I can always share experiences with someone.

Megan adds:

Peeing with the door open.

I was too unwilling to compromise sometimes and too willing to at others.

I eschewed goal-oriented dating and “trying to find someone” in favor of seeing what happened with this guy, this time, one guy at a time (more or less).

I know they aren’t trying to say that women who did meet someone settled. It grates on me a little though – possibly particularly because yesterday I went to a baby shower with six women of my generation. They’re mostly in the middle of or just done with their second pregnancy – weddings are so far behind them that they’re now capable of joking about trading off husbands so that if any one of them feels like having sex (!!) that one woman can take the burden off the rest of them. Joking, I know, but still. I love those women and I know they are all as intelligent and independent as I am, but conversations like that kick off a ‘good thing I’m too _____ for that’ reaction in me. Fill in the blank how you wish – smart, in love, old, ambivalent about children, etc.

So if that’s the case, is that how Lea and Megan feel about me (or the equivalent Emma in their lives)? They see me reading fewer books, running fewer miles, splitting time with my friends and his, and do they think ‘good thing I’m too ___ for that?’

I want to go to bed when I want, even if that’s 8:30. I want to IM my girlfriends during dinner. I want to watch the new episodes of Burn Notice and then go back and start at the beginning for a little (ok, a lot) more Michael and Fiona. I want to flirt. I want to spend a whole Saturday painting pictures and hang them in the living room.

I want to show him my paintings though, and get cranky when he doesn’t like them. I want to laugh at how seriously we take the task of naming our trivia team – Suck It Trebek is our final decision, in case you’re interested.

I’m not about to jump ship. I’m just pondering the fact that a lot of smart women make the choice to stay out of relationships, and the fact that several studies have shown that marriage has a stronger affect on the happiness of husbands than on wives.  It’s either a new phenomenon or one that’s been getting more attention lately (my money is on the latter), and I’ve always thought of myself as cutting edge.

My final message to Megan and Lea, because I know they’ve been waiting with bated breath, is this. I was a single adult for a long time, so I know the joys they’re talking about. I’ve been a non-single adult for less time, but there is joy here too.

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Filed under I'm a cranky brat, my happiness project, turns out I'm a feminist

as cool as I am I thought you’d know this already

I just finished reading two separate articles about being a single woman. You can find them here and here if you’re interested, but they can be summed up pretty simply.

Lea Lane, from the Huffington Post, is a widow and has enough to do and enough love that the downsides of having someone else around (dealing with burping, messiness, compromise, indifference) don’t seem worth it to her. Therefore she’s not actively searching for someone. Megan, of my perpetual favorite Jezebel, read Lea’s article and added her thoughts. They both end with the idea that the unhappiness that comes from being alone is never as bad as the unhappiness that comes with being in a bad relationship.

Together, the articles are almost enough to make a girl feel bad about having a boyfriend. (Aside: I’m not calling my boyfriend the DB anymore because we were IMing and he used “DB” to refer to someone we both think is a douchebag. Then we had a moment of silence. Then I promised not to call him that anymore. It stood for Dear Boyfriend, I swear.) Lea and Megan list all the things I loved about being single, and they make it sound like a strong feminist choice.

Excerpts from Lea:

I’m satisfied that I’ve sowed enough oats to make oatmeal for the New York Yankees and still have some left over to feed the waitstaff at Tavern on the Green, with a few spoonfuls to spare.

I don’t want my heart broken again. Ever.

I have an iPhone that I can play with anywhere I go to keep me company and I can always share experiences with someone.

Megan adds:

Peeing with the door open.

I was too unwilling to compromise sometimes and too willing to at others.

I eschewed goal-oriented dating and “trying to find someone” in favor of seeing what happened with this guy, this time, one guy at a time (more or less).

I know they aren’t trying to say that women who did meet someone settled. It grates on me a little though – possibly particularly because yesterday I went to a baby shower with six women of my generation. They’re mostly in the middle of or just done with their second pregnancy – weddings are so far behind them that they’re now capable of joking about trading off husbands so that if any one of them feels like having sex (!!) that one woman can take the burden off the rest of them. Joking, I know, but still. I love those women and I know they are all as intelligent and independent as I am, but conversations like that kick off a ‘good thing I’m too _____ for that’ reaction in me. Fill in the blank how you wish – smart, in love, old, ambivalent about children, etc.

So if that’s the case, is that how Lea and Megan feel about me (or the equivalent Emma in their lives)? They see me reading fewer books, running fewer miles, splitting time with my friends and his, and do they think ‘good thing I’m too ___ for that?’

I want to go to bed when I want, even if that’s 8:30. I want to IM my girlfriends during dinner. I want to watch the new episodes of Burn Notice and then go back and start at the beginning for a little (ok, a lot) more Michael and Fiona. I want to flirt. I want to spend a whole Saturday painting pictures and hang them in the living room.

I want to show him my paintings though, and get cranky when he doesn’t like them. I want to laugh at how seriously we take the task of naming our trivia team – Suck It Trebek is our final decision, in case you’re interested.

I’m not about to jump ship. I’m just pondering the fact that a lot of smart women make the choice to stay out of relationships, and the fact that several studies have shown that marriage has a stronger affect on the happiness of husbands than on wives.  It’s either a new phenomenon or one that’s been getting more attention lately (my money is on the latter), and I’ve always thought of myself as cutting edge.

My final message to Megan and Lea, because I know they’ve been waiting with bated breath, is this. I was a single adult for a long time, so I know the joys they’re talking about. I’ve been a non-single adult for less time, but there is joy here too.

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Filed under I'm a cranky brat, my happiness project, turns out I'm a feminist