On Sunday the boy and I had a fight. A knock down drag out thisclose to running into each other in the street six months from now and shooting each other dirty looks fight.
We got through it ok because we’re both just so darn lovable (at least I think so – once he sees that I talked about it here that may no longer be the case) but it left me with some dangling thoughts. Thoughts which, like everything else in life, can be tied to Twitter.
I have no idea who these people are. I have a sneaking suspicion that they and their entourage are actually one person, acting out a soap opera via twitter.
Needy Girlfriend tweets exactly what you’d expect a girl of that name to tweet.
- The hilarious: Sometimes you don’t make me feel like a Disney princess, and I really resent that.
- The cliché but still funny: Time for a Sex and the City marathon! Every woman in the world is a Charlotte. Am I right, girls? Good night!
- The truly just amazingly sophomoric: If I had a genie in a bottle I’d wish that every other girl on Earth was less pretty than me and also fatter.
Aloof Boyfriend is who the word douchebag was originally developed for.
- The backhand: Wow, you’re beautiful when you sleep. And quiet.
- The mean: You’re wearing that? I mean… you’re wearing that.
- The meaner: Date Night Sux
- The misogynistic: You need tampons now? Like, now now? Can’t you just hold it in until the morning?
Basically, NeedyGirlfriend just wants to get married, and AloofBoyfriend doesn’t even like her very much. They live together down the hall from
@GuyDownTheHall, who is completely smitten with…. well, both of them, it seems.
- The I’m secretly in love with you: @needygirlfriend Let me know when you’re ready to go to that bridal store. Gotta check out the tux section, need your input!
- The pleaseplease be my friend… please?: @aloofboyfriend Beerpocalypse is Nigh! Behold a Pale Ale!
Since they started (just a few days ago) they’ve added four more characters.
@TheBlackFriend is… well, the black friend. He goes back and forth from mocking racial profiling to actively participating in it.
- The haha you’re so racist: When I’m spoken to using awkward slang & “street” vernacular it makes me feel comforted. Like you see the “inner” me…
- The well I am black: I woke up this morning w/ the strangest urge to freestyle battle rap…or dance…or something “battle-like” involving soul…
@ClicheStoner is actually kind of hilarious.
- The wise words followed by complete stonedness: @NeedyGirlfriend maybe you just need to spend time getting to know yourself. Wait.I blacked out. FAMILY GUY!!
- The just plain stonedness: If Super Mario was a person he would be my best friend and we could solve mysteries 1. Who staged moon landing? 2. Where is remote control?
The remaining two new characters are @ThePerfectSis, who is married with a genius son, and @OvrBearingMthr. From encouraging eating disorders to encouraging alcoholism, these two are the kind of family we wish we all had.
- The overbearing mother says: Sometimes I feel like a bad mother but then I feel better when I remember at least one of my daughters is married. And at least one of them is naturally thin.
- The perfect sister says: Come watch me cook dinner for tonight. I have your favorite waiting: 3 bottles of whatever wine has the highest alcohol %.
This may not be the first time a troupe of fictional characters acted out what is essentially a twitter play, but it’s the first time I’ve been aware of it. I’ve been following for a couple of days, and while it makes me laugh, I’m not nuts about the fact that it’s all built around a wedding crazed girl. There was a Mexican friend for a little while, but I can find no mention of him now – too far, perhaps?
If you want to read the entire ‘twitcom’, you can find it here.