1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?
- I think that they should stop calling it cheese and then everyone would be all smiles.
2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.
- Yes, but it involves six backhoes and taking down the entire internet… so it would theoretically take you and me down too.
3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?
- Seth Green. He’s just this teeny tiny little person who makes really shitty movies. And yet.
4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?
- Running a ridiculously insanely successful small town bakery called Emma’s that also hosts book clubs and showcases local art and is everyone in the universe’s favorite place to be. Failing that, I would want to be one of those people that is essentially an expediter for television shows – I forget what they’re called but I would kick serious ass at that job.
5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?
- Well, actual revenge is the best revenge – but looking damn hot never hurts.
6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?
- Um… I auditioned for American Idol. I applied to a dating website that only accepts pretty people and haven’t heard back. I do not know how to use apostrophes correctly. I may have once had an underwear related accident that I’m NOT TALKING ABOUT.
7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?
- Aside from the underwear thing, I tell all. This is me, baby.
8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?
- Understanding dogs. Assuming, of course, that it doesn’t have to be a real talent.
9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?
- If you can take one sip of water, there is room for Jello. If you’re sooooo full that even a sip would make you bloat up like Violet Beauregard without the additional coloring then no, there is no room for Jello.
10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?
- Plucking hairs. Mine, other people’s, whether they need to be plucked or not. I could do it ALL DAY.