My plan for today was to write a best of 2009 post. Or possibly a best of the decade post. Or mebbe possibly a worst of the decade post.
However, I am sick as all get out. I have had this damn cold since Sunday, when I quite amusingly (according to the boy) lost my voice. My voice is back, but it came with a cough that’s somewhere between hacking and hacking me in the chest with an axe. Good metaphor, huh. Yeah, I’m all about the awesome right now.
So instead of looking back, I’m going to look forward and talk about my resolutions. I don’t usually make them, because as everyone in the world says, they’re motherfuckin hard to keep. Fortunately, I’m only making, like, seven, and they’re all easy.
1) I will not get sick in 2010. I’m not kidding. I have been sick like 50% of this year and seeing as how there is nothing major wrong with me, that is bloody ridiculous. I take vitamins, I work out, I get enough sleep – really, the only thing left to do is apply the strength of my mind. Well that or quit my job to reduce my stress level. Since that would rapidly lead to me living under a bridge and begging for pocket change to feed my expensive dog food habit, I’m thinking that’s probably not going to make me healthier. So mind over matter, man. That’s the plan. NO SICKNESS IN 2010. I would chant it out loud, but that would lead to a coughing fit. (Since I’m guessing I’m not going to feel better first thing in the morning, I of course mean no sicknesses started in 2010.)
When I told the boy about this resolution, he said he is resolving to learn how to fly. I said fuck you buddy. Then I gave him a big germy kiss. Being sick makes me funny.
2) Stop obsessing over cutting my damn hair. When it’s short, I want it long. When it’s long, I want it short. I’m going to go to my hair place sometime in January, have them give me a cut that doesn’t rule out a ponytail but doesn’t turn into an unruly mess when left free, and roll with it.
I’m drinking in both pictures for continuity. No, really. Otherwise you may think ‘gee, I like her long hair better but she surely does look cute with a beer in her hand’ or vice versa, and I’m all about fair tests. Also, see resolution #6.
3) I will stop buying non-consumables. There are exceptions – things I may need for derby, for example. But no purchases of stuff just because I want said stuff. Period. No, really. Yeah, it’s gonna suck.
4) I will blog a minimum of five days a week. You’re welcome.
5) I will work on building strong friendships with women who want the same thing. Women who tell me things about themselves, and want to know things about me. I have a few lovely girlfriends (dears, you know who you are) and they’ve shown me what having a good friend is like. It’s like a big squishy hug and a macadamia nut cookie all rolled up into one (with no white chocolate, OBVIOUSLY).
6) I will perfect a smile that I don’t mind being photographed. That’s right – 2010 will be the year in which not every photo of me is of me laughing or holding a drink to my mouth. I must have a smile that doesn’t make me look like a deranged six year old, somewhere inside me. I realize it will probably always be crooked (what is that about, really?) but there must be a way to tone it down a little bit.
7) I will be a grown up in the ways that matter, and postpone growing up as long as possible in the ways that don’t.