In order to craft the perfect second NaBloPoMo posting, I took the day off from work.
Ok, that’s not technically true. Technically, I have 7.5 days of vacation that I have to use by December 31st or I’ll lose them, and I’m having a hard time getting it all in. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but that’s 7.5 days out of 32 work days, which means I have to take slightly more than one out of every five days off for the rest of the year. Poooooor me.
Anyway, today we’re going to play a little game. I’m going to create a list of Twenty Things I’ve Learned About Love, and you’re going to guess whether I learned them from a) TV/movies, b) my life, or c) the life of a real person that I personally know. If you are working with TJ to become a Person Who Comments, or you’re just naturally a commenter, leave your guesses!
- How do you know someone loves you? You know when they know the worst thing about you and it’s ok.
- Love is biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.
- While he may leave her for someone else, he will never leave her for you.
- Men who work in bagel shops are not to be trusted.
- If you marry your high school sweetheart, be prepared to spend your life listening to fart jokes.
- If you marry your high school sweetheart, be prepared to have your head cut off and put in a box by a serial killer.
- Real vampires make good boyfriends as long as they have souls.
- Gothboys who pretend they’re vampires do not make good boyfriends.
- Expensive sports memorabilia does not make a good gift for your girlfriend who does not follow sports, no matter how much you personally may love the team.
- How do you know someone loves you? They know the supernatural thing about you and it’s ok.
- Illicit sex is better practiced in rooms that are not full of shelves covered with precariously balanced fragile objects.
- EVERYBODY knows when two people are having an affair. Especially if one or both of them get murdered.
- If your husband claims to have a mysterious job that keeps him out of town roughly half the time and doesn’t have as much money as it seems like he should, you might want to check the marriage records for any second wives.
- IM was a godsend for people who like to talk about sex. Also, chemistry over IM does not necessarily indicate personal chemistry.
- Online dating can actually help you find your soulmate.
- Engineers and teachers are very compatible. Engineers and engineers, more so.
- John Cusack, despite being completely batshit insane in real life (don’t believe me? see him here on twitter (@shockozulu)) is very lovable if you happen to be in a movie. (Is this one too easy? Also, does it contain too many parenthesis? (Is that even possible?))
- Bachelor parties do not focus on fake vaginas to the extent that bachelorette parties focus on fake penises.
- When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you forget how truly frightening a burgeoning romance can be and think that you miss the ‘rush’.
- How do you know someone loves you? They read every entry of your blog.
The only hint I’ll give you is that number 11 is not something I learned personally. No really, it’s not. I swear.
P.S. Does ‘vagina’ have a plural that I’m not aware of? Or has no one in the history of writing ever needed to refer to them in the plural before? WordPress is telling me I misspelled it, but has no alternate suggestions.