One two three knock on the wall

Morning after note: The below is my tequila-fueled-iPhone-enabled last minute review of The Orphanage. If you read it last night before I fixed the typos, I apologize and thank you kindly for returning. If you haven’t already, please visit Sam’s, Andrew’s, and Dawn’s-scary-movie-substitute’s reviews. I haven’t read them yet but I’m guessing they’re a little more coherent than the below and hilarious/fabulous/gross as usual.
Netflix actually tried to foil my last minute movie watching, btw. I got this lovely screen that said ‘the movie you’re trying to watch is unavailable’. My movie buddy took it as a sign that we should ditch it and go to the Citizen Cope concert, but this movie club is my baby so I persevered. You’re welcome.

Welcome to thoughts while watching The Orphanage. Since my computer is currently showing the movie, I’m writing this on my iPhone. I apologize (or say you’re welcome, whatever) in advance for being less verbose than usual.

“She’s a midget hooker! Don’t adopt her!” This is the first line my movie watching buddy uttered when the movie started. I’m pretty sure this is not the movie he’s thinking of….

Even when I don’t understand the language I really want to hear what they’re saying. What is that about? The words are RIGHT THERE. Someone could be boxing my ears and I could still tell what was going on. On an unrelated note, what is ear boxing?

My movie buddy is threatening to send his nephew to the orphanage. I love his nephew but I can respect his perspective on this.

“Don’t go in the cave, ugly Diane Lane!” Heeheehee.

When an HIV positive child tells you he’s never going to grow up, that is a complicated moment. Sigh.

Oh. My. God. What kind of mask party requires you to wear the worlds scariest masks? The kind that happens in a horror movie- that’s what kind.

If my movie buddy doesn’t stop whispering redrum I’m going to punch him in the stomach.

Really? Ten investigators are using flashlights to look for one little boy in three hundred square feet of grass? Good use of manpower, Spain.

Wait…are imaginary friends a sign of genius or a sign you’re about to disappear into nothingness? Cause I should either send for my Mensa app or write a will.

Who puts a sack over her disabled child’s head and paints a face on it? No, really, who? Someone with glasses so thick she can’t see that the face-sack is the scariest fucking thing ever?

The idea of a disembodied (or bodied but unwelcome) person climbing into bed with me while I’m sleeping is one of those things that haunts me at bedtime. Thanks, The Orphanage, for reinforcing that fear!

If you could be in a room with a person who was seeing a ghost or could see the ghost yourself which would you choose? I’d be the seer. Watching somebody else see this shit is mofo scary.

Ass infrared.

The Mandible Trail. Sort of like the Oregon Trail but with more chewing.

Awww.

Ok. This was actually quite lovely, despite the ghosts and death. Emmanation rating: homemade individually sized chocolate bundt cakes with a mild chili chocolate glaze.

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2 Comments

Filed under movie club

2 responses to “One two three knock on the wall

  1. yesisaidyes

    Ha! We both used the same line to start our reviews. Mine was a terrible translation, though. In fact, there may be a consensus among Spanish speakers that we did not use the same line.

  2. Pingback: movie club: the orphanage « the tiniest sprinter

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