We went to open mic last night and a microphone stand tipped off the stage and hit me in the back – really. fucking. hard. Once of my tattoos is a little purplish this morning, because there is most definitely a bruise forming under there.
I think that was my preemptive karma for the post I am about to write.
When I was in middle school, I had this friend. Let’s call her… well, actually, if she reads this it will be pretty clear who I’m talking about, so let’s just call her Kristie. Kristie and I had an oldies a cappella group, wore a lot of Spandex, and were generally good kids who thought we were bad. We used to watch Studs on cable late at night at her house. Do you guys remember that show? My eleven year old self found it incredibly dirty, but I’m not sure how bad it really was.
Kristie moved away before sixth grade, and we wrote letters with Lisa Frank stickers on them for a few months. Like 12 year old girls are inclined to do, we pretty rapidly forgot about each other – what with all the ‘are my boobs big enough for a bra yet’ and ‘oh my god why won’t mom let me shave my legs’ drama. That’s what was going on with me, and I assume it was much the same for her.
We have since reconnected through the magic of Facebook. I admit I over-book sometimes, but I generally try not to make updates that don’t have at least mild entertainment value for those of my 196 friends who haven’t hid me from their feed. A small sample of my recent updates:
Emma just got punched by a microphone. True story.
Emma needs a new nemesis.
Emma found wet cement and can’t think what to write – very stressful, that level of permanence.
I’m no tiniestsprinter (sample: Sam lost 20lbs in 2 weeks on the no-water-all-barf diet! you can too!), but I like to think I inspire a smile or two.
Kristie takes a somewhat different approach. Here are her updates from the last several days. I am not cherry picking the ones that best illustrate my point – these are all of them, in chronological order. She does not work her name into them like I do, so I will not preface each with “Kristie”. Typos are hers.
Yep, I’m hungry, need some food. Tues 1:01 pm
I know it’s early but I have meatloaf in the oven. yummy Tues 1:56 pm
Just relaxing and watching tv Tues 7:46 pm
So yeah woke up crabby today, watch out I’m not in a good mood. I am gonna go to Pets Mart today in hopes it’ll help make my mood better. Olivia needs a new leash. Weds 7:24 am
waiting for cheezteak to open so I can get me and JJs lunch. Weds 9:54 am
Lets see, wen to Pet Smart, went to Walmart, went to Kohls, and then went to Cheezteak, now we’re home relaxing our fully bellies and doing nothing. Weds 11:16 am
I have cleaning to do today and have to do laundry. I’m not excited about it. Thurs 7:25 am
Well, got laundry going, sweeped up the patio and then the kitchen, then vaccumed, umm general pickup done. Fed the kid and the dog, cleaned up the office and put mroe crap away, used some spacebags, and I think that’s it for now. Thurs 9:52 am
Well, I’ve put away laundry, and Quinn even helped me fold some. Now just waiting for the next load to come out of the dryer, then more folding and putting away. Got the lunch thing covered thanks to Jamie, he’s getting me some food. Thurs 11:20 am
Well, finished laundry for the day, and put it away, and ran to walmart to get some stuff. Thurs 1:20 pm
My first thought was that maybe she’s on twitter and linked that to her facebook feed. There are no links or hashes, but this is the kind of pedantic miniblogging that’s better suited to twitter, fo sho. However, no such luck – I checked high and low and she is nowhere to be found.
Basically, she’s either pretty sure this is what facebook is for… or she’s pretty sure this is the most interesting thing she has to offer. I can’t see what her Missouri friends are saying. For all I know they’re all constantly updating each other on the status of their laundry and sharing what they’re picking up for lunch for their husbands. Maybe Kristie looks at my status and says “Emma, that’s all well and good that you are trying to come up with your superhero name, but how did you sleep last night? Did you shop at Walmart today? Come on, the public has a right to know!”