thoughts while watching An American Haunting

Update. The tiniestsprinter has posted his version. As I suspected, he too thinks it’s about time to revoke my movie-club-movie-picking privileges. However, he did pick Event Horizon (him, me, Tay-sorta)… so I think we’re about even. I will continue to update this paragraph as the reviews roll in.

Someone awesome who’s name is completely beyond my ability to understand has posted his review. He too hated it – I’m currently 3 for 3. His blog is called I Will Yes, and I think mebbe his name is YesIsaidyes. That must’ve been a pain during elementary school role call.

Dawn’s review is UP. She too hated the movie. I’m batting 100. 1000. What’s the number when you’re so good you’re bad? Oh right – 0. I’m batting 0.

I’m watching the previews… and I have to say, if previews are a an indicator of how the movie will be, it’s going to be not great.

I said I would come up with a rating system, didn’t I? I haven’t actually gotten around to it yet… lets see. How much can I steal from Taylor’s idea? He’s an albino (practically) and therefore used something having to do with albino red eyes open. I’ll consider the emmanation equivalent as I review.

  • Ok, previews aside, we are off to a kick ass start. I absolutely love it when movies start with someone running from something. It get you all adrenaliney and ready to roll right off the bat.
  • This line was key in the previews – “you KNOW the attic is off limits”. I would never go into an attic unless it was like the attic in the Brady Bunch, where the two oldest kids lived and totally bofffed each other when they had nothing else to do. And I would only go into that one if they were not currently boffing, because no one wants to see that. I’d really only go in to sort through their groovy 70s records and steal Marsha’s clothes.This is an elevation of the Brady Bunch house. I dont really see the attic... but I did just finish a) Fast and Furious and b) three gin and tonics, so maybe its there somewhere.This is an elevation of the Brady Bunch house. I don’t really see the attic… but I did just finish a) Fast and Furious and b) three gin and tonics, so maybe it’s there somewhere.
  • I think I always underestimate what kind of stuff people had in the olden days. I am fully aware that there are 100+ year old houses in my very town and they’re perfectly lovely. However, when I think of Puritan times, I picture all the houses as one story. And like four rooms. All of which have dried herbs hanging from the ceiling.
  • Oooo muskets. See, this is why old fashioned movies etc have a hard time pulling me in. Musket.
  • Ooooo someone is hot for teacher. Someone who is about 14, to teacher’s 30-something. Ahh those Puritians. Always looking out for their little girls.
  • Is it just me or is it always a little bit less colorful in old fashioned movies, unless you’re supposed to be paying very close attention to something? I spose maybe dyes weren’t as awesome, so old fashioned clothes weren’t as colorful… but shouldn’t flowers and stuff have been just as colorful?
  • Holy fuck. If I woke up to a hairy arm in my bed I too would scream my fucking head off. And my parents reassurance that ‘it was just someone on the roof’ would NOT be reassuring.I searched “An American Haunting screenshots” and this showed up in the top 20. I realize I’m perpetuating the weirdness by reposting, but I’m ok with that.
  • The proper post exorcism activity is most definitely checkers.
  • OMG I just figured it out. The thing the puritans thought was ghosts or whatever is actually totally puberty. Googling… hmm. Ok in my limited gin-soaked searching, it appears that it’s generally considered logical that a ghost would enter a pubescent girl, but not that puberty is actually mistaken for possession. This is clearly a new idea and will likely make me famous among the kind of people who think about this kind of thing any second now.
  • Mirrors are evil. Really. There is something exceptionally sinister about a reflection of self – what you see when there is no one else around to validate the truth of it.  Actually, just being alone is evil. I’m instituting a new policy: from here on out, I will always have a ghost-buddy within a few hundred feet of me. That way, if I see one, someone else will be around to tell me if I’m insane or not.
  • I shouldn’t be allowed to pick movies for the movie club anymore. Really. I think it’s Sam’s turn, then maybe Tay can take a shot.
  • The downside of the ghost-buddy idea is now clearly illustrated by the best friend of the puritan girl. Not the safest of all occupations.
  • Why would a ghosty/demony/thing be so specifically dedicated to one girl? I somehow assumed that from that side of the curtain, one pretty 14 year old was much like an other.
  • Hmm. It’s sort of seeming like it’s over… but the girl from the beginning, the 20th century don’t-go-in-the-attic girl, has yet to make a reappearance. I hope they don’t zoom to her in the very and and pretend it was all in her dreams.
  • Wait, did this just turn into a movie about molestation? Really, I am not allowed to pick movies anymore. Ok, there is definitely a molestation thing going on now. I wanted things that go bump in the night, not evil fathers. Bleahh.
  • WOAH. That was deep. Seriously.

Ok, so I thought about the emmanation rating thing. Sigh.  That is clearly a lie. I did not think about the emmanation rating thing, but I’m going to right now.

Oh jeez, so obvious. Cupcakes. I am not a very smart girl sometimes.

Emma’s final rating for An American Haunting: vanilla cupcake from a box, with homemade powdered sugar and butter frosting.

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4 Comments

Filed under movie club

4 responses to “thoughts while watching An American Haunting

  1. Pingback: movie club: an american haunting « the tiniest sprinter

  2. samburglar

    hooray! you didn’t like it either! i think the biggest fault of the whole thing was trying to make a movie based on an old-timey ghost story, because most of those old-timey ghost stories are too tame to be scary, at least by today’s movie standards. filling two hours with only one ghost (who is kind of a one-trick-molester-pony) was a terrible idea.

  3. “yes i said yes i will yes” is the last line of Ulysses. You can call me Andrew. My last name, even though it’s only one syllable, did give teachers a rough time during roll call, and continues to baffle those who fail to heed my “it rhymes with ‘boots'” advice.

  4. Pingback: New Movie Club Pick « emmanation

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