someday, when I'm awfully low

Dear Prudence is one of my favorite things ever. I believe it comes out once a week, but it seems like years – decades even – between each new article.

If you’re not familiar with Dear Prudence, I strongly recommend you go read all of the back articles right now. Do it. I can wait.

Ok, now that you’re appreciating the wonderfulness of her advice, the fine line she walks between funny and useful, read this:

Dear Prudence:
I did something recently that concerns me on many levels. I am under a large amount of stress because I’m in an unhappy marriage (which we’re trying to work out) and because my company laid me off. I am under treatment for depression. A week ago, my doctor doubled the dosage of my antidepressant and, because I’m not sleeping well, he prescribed Ambien. On Saturday morning, I confused the vials and took two Ambien. I told my wife what happened and that I would probably sleep all day and went to bed. At around 10 p.m., my wife commented on how productive I had been: mowing the lawn, cleaning up, grocery shopping. I remembered none of this and said so. She said her only concern was that I left for “errands” and returned two hours later with nothing in hand. I talked to my doctor Monday, and he told me Ambien can cause amnesia and that some people have reported walking, driving, and cooking in their sleep. I know now what filled the missing two hours. This afternoon, I got a call from a woman who called me “lover” and asked when I wanted to come back. She called me her f–k buddy. This is a woman I had talked to only twice before in social situations. I do not even know where she lives; maybe I phoned her for directions. I do find her attractive, but I am stunned that I did something like this. My wife is vindictive, and if I say anything to her, it will end our marriage. I do not want to continue a relationship with the other woman. What should I do?

—Scared Sleepless

All I can say is LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.

Now that I know you’re allowed to write LYING questions, I shall carefully craft my own. Stay tuned.

If you’re thinking, Emma, what happened to your week off from the internet?, all I can say is the internet and I have a forbidden love that transcends all time and space boundaries.

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Filed under I have a pop culture problem, other people are sometimes funny too

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