Apparently it’s all downhill from here. According to the University of Virginia, cognitive function starts to decline at 27.
I’m so looking forward to old age, I can’t even tell you. I fully intend to be an incredible old lady. People don’t expect a lot from old women, at least not anymore – which is damn silly if you ask me. I will
- walk marathons
- shoplift (and blame it on memory loss if I get busted)
- get cute young men to accompany me across the street and possibly get in a lil ass grabbin
- wear velour jogging suits in easter egg colors
- teach my grandchildren to make croissants and shortcake, not just chocolate chip cookies
- be proudly gray
- tell everyone exactly what I think, all the time
- read at library story time and do the awesome voices
- have the scariest house on the block at halloween – you know, the one that kids dare each other to go to
- join a church choir to belt gospels in my white old lady voice
- sit on the porch with in rocking chairs with my husband
- audition for movies – I can’t imagine there are enough old ladies in hollywood. seriously
- have all my teeth
Yep. That’ll be me. At 40, apparently, since the whole process has already started.