you guys know how to pole vault?

It’s Christmas.  I am not in Portland as planned, due to the 100 year storm they’re currently experiencing. Instead, I’m at home.  Fortunately, my brother  and I are bonding via telephone and the Tremors drinking game.  So far, the rules are:

Drink every time they say ‘plan’.

Drink the first time Reba McEntire shows up.

Drink  every time we notice phrasing is different from the recorded TBS version we grew up on.

That’s it so far. If you’ve seen Tremors, you know that even though we’re 14 minutes in we’ve had four drinks.  Sam is drinking beer (he’ll tell you more) and I’m drinking hot chocolate with Cointreau.  Don’t judge, he’s in Oregon and I’m in CO – the liquor stores are closed here and they don’t sell beer in the grocery stores.  My alcohol stores consist of those liqueurs required to bake, so it was HC with Cointreau or cream soda with Kahlua. Ew. 

At this moment we’re disussing whether or not we’d react like the highway workers. In Tremors, Earl and Val find a head of a friend of thiers in a hole in the ground.  Driving back towards town to warn everyone, they pass some highway workers and pause long enough to holler ‘there’s a serial killer running around cutting people’s heads off!’ 

*we just discovered we were the frightened of the same thing in our house growing up and now we’re both scared. We’re awesome.

So back to the highway workers – if someone you didn’t know drove by and told you that in desert, what would you do? In the desert, you can see people coming. I would probably do what they did. I would not believe him, cause a) I could see someone coming and b) it’s more likely that the guy in the truck is crazy than that there’s a serial killer cutting people’s heads off.  Sam said he’d go with it, because he’d rather live and feel stupid than die and be right. He wins this one.

Walter just bought the head/tongue of the first tremor and is charging people $20 to take a picture with it. That’s capitalism right there.

Is there anything creepier than the fence posts popping down one by one? You know something is chasing you UNDER THE GODDAMN ground and you can see how close it’s getting.  Unseen but perceivable danger, man.  Scary shit.

Plan! Oh, twice. Wait, three times. Huh, maybe I should have put less Cointreau in here. And Sam should be drinking less beer, we’re getting very philosphical.  We’re discussing whether or not we’d die to save 100 people that we never met in another country.  This is intense.  Back to Tremors.

Awww Rhonda and Val just woke up on a rock with thier heads on each others shoulders.  She’s like 5’3″/115 – she would NEVER be in a movie now.  I love Rhonda. Wait, can two people have thier heads on each others shoulders simulataneously? Is that even possible? I’m kinda thinking not but that’s the way I remember it so I’m going with it. 

What kind of stupid dummy not-smart unintelligent…  I can’t think of any more ways to say that but you get the point… climbs into a TIRE to escape from an underground monster? When sitting in a tire, how far is your ass off the ground, about six inches? Does it seem like an underground monster with multiple tongues that have already grabbed a car axle cannot reach up that far?

We just realized that the fashion in this movie is perfect.  Since it’s set in a desert town with people who are already ‘off the grid’, the fashion is believable to this day – we’re talking jeans and button up shirts.

Why was Walters nose already bleeding, huh? He got bit on the lower legs and somehow his nose immediately started to bleed. Low blood pressure… would that do it? High blood pressure? Was Walter a hemophiliac? 

Annnnddddd my DVD player just crapped out. I need a new one, I’ve asked for one for my birthday, but at the moment my old lame one is ruining my Christmas drinking game with my brother. Lame. Earl and Val are now permanently stuck on the roof with Rhonda on the water tower.  

I’m going to let Sam quote the remainder of the movie for me, but I think this post is effectively over. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

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1 Comment

Filed under I have a pop culture problem, the people I love, turns out I'm a feminist, yum

One response to “you guys know how to pole vault?

  1. samburglar

    wtf? were you drunk or something when you wrote this? lol, rofl, ttyl!

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