Friday, January 11, 2008
5 reasons why i’d like to be a private eye, other than the p-mate.
1) I could wake up whenever I wanted. It’s a proven fact, bad guys don’t commit crimes before 10 am. That gives me time to sleep later than I do now, go to the gym, AND eat breakfast. Breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day you know.
2) I would have a contact in the police department who would run people through ‘the system’ for me. This would come in especially handy for blind dates and interviews. “Excuse me, Ms. Vice President? That man you want to hire to be my boss was arrested for public stupidity several times in the last six months. Fyi.” Also “Really? you’d like to go get get a drink, mr. cutie-i-met-through-a-friend? Even though you’ve had four DUIs and an illegitimate child?”
3) When you’re on a stakeout you can listen to whatever music you want AND use a
4) If Veronica Mars and Kinsey Millhone are any indicator, I will get to wear very cute clothes and (see 1) will have plenty of time to make my hair adorable. What, you don’t think that’s important? I’m sorry, whose blog do you think you’re reading again?
5) Four syllables. Un-der-cov-er. Hooker? eh. Debutante? absolutely. Prospective stolen jewelry buyer? role I was born to play. Hard ass black leather wearing chica? um yeah. Sign me up.
In summary, this is apparently my second place dream job. Good to know, right?
Also (and I’m filing this under highly unrealistic)… could I go to high school in California? A high school PI gets all the fun jobs – no gruesome murder, heavy on the kinky sex. And there’s the whole sunny courtyard tan thing. Love it.