Monthly Archives: December 2008

the end of the world as we know it

  • The large hadron collider scares the hell out of me if I think about it too hard.
jeesh. goosebumps, man.

jeesh. goosebumps, man.

  • The bodies exhibit – you know, the one where people donated their corpses to be sliced very thinly… kind of like carpaccio I guess… ew – is on display at the Colorado Mills Mall. You know, the outlet one. When I saw it a year or two ago it was at the Natural History Museum. If I donated my body to some scientist and a few years afterwards I was touring the outlet mall of America, I’d be wicked pissed.
  • Dating two men at the same time is not right – that’s why they invented dueling.
  • My grandparents neighborhood of Littleton is either the safest or the scariest place I’ve ever been. Witness – locked myself out yesterday while Mom and Grandma were at the hospital with Grandpa. While I was attempting to remove the screen from the front window and climb through, a police officer drove by. And ignored me. And the five inCREDibly loud dogs inside who were barking at me like I was a complete stranger. After I completely failed on the climbing through portion of my plan, I started serially door knocking, looking for a spare key or possibly a phone. I was welcomed with open arms at every location. No one cared that I was filthy and had absolutely no proof of what I was saying. Again – either awesome or terrifying. I can’t decide. I’m pretty glad that copper didn’t throw me in the hoosegow though.
  • American Idol starts in a couple of weeks. I’m considering being a freak about it this year, seeing as how they’ve replaced Paula. I intend to watch a few episodes then side very strongly against the new girl. Or for her. I’m keeping an open mind on that, I guess  – she’s written some of Kelly Clarkson’s songs and they’re pretty much awesome to belt along with, so I’m leaning towards the ‘for her’ right now. I figure either way I have to watch at least once more before I’m too old to compete – at that point it will just be depressing.
  • My Grandpa’s nurses are funny and awesome and loving, and I’m sure there’s a link between that and the overwhelming preponderance of women in the feild. Funny and awesome and loving are not solely female traits, of course, but I think we have the monopoly on them.
  • I’m considering taking up smoking in solidarity for Obama. Probably the bubble gum cigarettes that have the flour inside the paper, if I can find them. But maybe the real ones if those fake ones are too hard to come by. If the president (elect) does it, it’s good enough for this girl!

Stay tuned for my best of 2008 post! I have no idea what’s going to be on it, but it’s going to be legen…. wait for it ….dary.


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Filed under I make lists, it's all about me, turns out I'm a feminist, where I pretend to know about politics

Sunday Best


Chocolate with cherries and pistachios.... red and green for christmas get it? And chocolate for... well, chocolate. There doesnt really need to be another reason.

Chocolate with cherries and pistachios.... red and green for christmas get it? And chocolate for... well, chocolate. There doesn't really need to be another reason.


Merry Christmas stocking! A corndog, just what you wanted.

Merry Christmas stocking! A corndog, just what you wanted.


I know its not very Christmassy, but you have to give the woman props for follow through.

I know it's not very Christmassy, but you have to give the woman props for follow through.



This is the problem with cats. No, I wont be going on the lake with you and the dog. Oh fine, but only if you bring my chair.

This is the problem with cats. 'No, I won't be going on the lake with you and the dog. Oh fine, but only if you bring my chair'.


get tied (tyed) up and sleep in the closet? who ISN'T looking for that in a relationship?

get tied (tyed) up and sleep in the closet? who ISN'T looking for that in a relationship?



Her name is Mistletoe and shes three months old. Ozabobododo.

Her name is Mistletoe and she's three months old. Ozabobododo.

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insert foot in mouth

I am an idiot. Years and years ago, a wonderful friend of mind told me a story about a former love interest of hers. I had just met her and appreciated the story, but clearly didn’t focus on specific details. Like, say, the name. Twice previous to tonight I have brought up said story at inopportune times. I will not elucidate on the details because that would likely be a third gaff, but suffice to say that I both looked and felt stupid. How did I feel, you ask? Well, pretend for a moment you brought up the ex-husband of a friend while she was delivering her new baby. And her new husband was in the room. And the baby may in fact belong to the ex, but the new husband doesn’t know. That is CLEARLY not what happened, but I’m trying to give a sense of the embarrasment level.

Well… tonight I made it worse. Yay me. Imagine adding ‘hey that ex hubby of yours was hot, is he seeing anyone?’ Again, NOT what I did, but roughly the blush level.  Suffice to say I am currently bright red and considering changing my name and moving to Illinois.

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Filed under it's all about me, the people I love

you guys know how to pole vault?

It’s Christmas.  I am not in Portland as planned, due to the 100 year storm they’re currently experiencing. Instead, I’m at home.  Fortunately, my brother  and I are bonding via telephone and the Tremors drinking game.  So far, the rules are:

Drink every time they say ‘plan’.

Drink the first time Reba McEntire shows up.

Drink  every time we notice phrasing is different from the recorded TBS version we grew up on.

That’s it so far. If you’ve seen Tremors, you know that even though we’re 14 minutes in we’ve had four drinks.  Sam is drinking beer (he’ll tell you more) and I’m drinking hot chocolate with Cointreau.  Don’t judge, he’s in Oregon and I’m in CO – the liquor stores are closed here and they don’t sell beer in the grocery stores.  My alcohol stores consist of those liqueurs required to bake, so it was HC with Cointreau or cream soda with Kahlua. Ew. 

At this moment we’re disussing whether or not we’d react like the highway workers. In Tremors, Earl and Val find a head of a friend of thiers in a hole in the ground.  Driving back towards town to warn everyone, they pass some highway workers and pause long enough to holler ‘there’s a serial killer running around cutting people’s heads off!’ 

*we just discovered we were the frightened of the same thing in our house growing up and now we’re both scared. We’re awesome.

So back to the highway workers – if someone you didn’t know drove by and told you that in desert, what would you do? In the desert, you can see people coming. I would probably do what they did. I would not believe him, cause a) I could see someone coming and b) it’s more likely that the guy in the truck is crazy than that there’s a serial killer cutting people’s heads off.  Sam said he’d go with it, because he’d rather live and feel stupid than die and be right. He wins this one.

Walter just bought the head/tongue of the first tremor and is charging people $20 to take a picture with it. That’s capitalism right there.

Is there anything creepier than the fence posts popping down one by one? You know something is chasing you UNDER THE GODDAMN ground and you can see how close it’s getting.  Unseen but perceivable danger, man.  Scary shit.

Plan! Oh, twice. Wait, three times. Huh, maybe I should have put less Cointreau in here. And Sam should be drinking less beer, we’re getting very philosphical.  We’re discussing whether or not we’d die to save 100 people that we never met in another country.  This is intense.  Back to Tremors.

Awww Rhonda and Val just woke up on a rock with thier heads on each others shoulders.  She’s like 5’3″/115 – she would NEVER be in a movie now.  I love Rhonda. Wait, can two people have thier heads on each others shoulders simulataneously? Is that even possible? I’m kinda thinking not but that’s the way I remember it so I’m going with it. 

What kind of stupid dummy not-smart unintelligent…  I can’t think of any more ways to say that but you get the point… climbs into a TIRE to escape from an underground monster? When sitting in a tire, how far is your ass off the ground, about six inches? Does it seem like an underground monster with multiple tongues that have already grabbed a car axle cannot reach up that far?

We just realized that the fashion in this movie is perfect.  Since it’s set in a desert town with people who are already ‘off the grid’, the fashion is believable to this day – we’re talking jeans and button up shirts.

Why was Walters nose already bleeding, huh? He got bit on the lower legs and somehow his nose immediately started to bleed. Low blood pressure… would that do it? High blood pressure? Was Walter a hemophiliac? 

Annnnddddd my DVD player just crapped out. I need a new one, I’ve asked for one for my birthday, but at the moment my old lame one is ruining my Christmas drinking game with my brother. Lame. Earl and Val are now permanently stuck on the roof with Rhonda on the water tower.  

I’m going to let Sam quote the remainder of the movie for me, but I think this post is effectively over. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

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Filed under I have a pop culture problem, the people I love, turns out I'm a feminist, yum

Sunday Best

    Merry Christmas to me!

Merry Christmas to me!

There is absolutely no way this is a real sign. Unless I am just physically incapable of seeing past the dirtiness – but WHAT could this represent?



This is NOT a good idea. This person is either the worlds biggest optimist or an idiot. Or a hermit, I suppose...
This is NOT a good idea. This person is either the worlds biggest optimist or an idiot. Or a hermit, I suppose…
Im buying one for everyone and two for me!
I’m buying one for everyone and two for me!
Im a level 5 vegan - I dont eat anything that casts a shadow.

I'm a level 5 vegan - I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

Cheap. Ass. Motherfucker. Just say no, sweetie.

Cheap. Ass. Motherfucker. Just say no, sweetie.

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Excuse me, is this 2%?

*This post is part of a ‘blog off’ between my brother and I. Why, you ask? He said “Em, post a new blog already”. I said “about what”. He said “I’m writing about coffee”. And the blog off was born. He posted the link to this site at the top of his, but you’re going to have to read to the bottom of mine before I let you make that jump. Sorry, dems the breaks.


There are many things to be said for working at a small company.  At my last job, I could indentify 9 out of 10 people by name. I’m not implying that small companies are better, of course – I have made the jump to a big ship (is that a viable metaphor?). My new employer is public vs. private, 25 times the size, and has regular layoffs.  But there is one way that my new place beats the old one, hands down, no holds barred.

Ready? Two words: onsite Starbucks. Two of them, actually.

I know some people hate Starbucks. I have no idea what their problem is. I think they relate it to hating Walmart, but Starbucks is not the Walmart of coffee. Starbucks is the Target of coffee. And everyone loves Target – therefore, people who hate Starbucks are stupid. I know, that’s saying a lot, but if they’re entitled to their opinion I’m entitled to mine.

That being said, here are some things that I’ve learned when I have a Starbucks available to meet my every whim.

1)      People order drinks that are like them. Like, you know how people say that after a while you start to look like your dog? This afternoon I popped down for an afternoon beverage with two new friends. One, who could not put down his blackberry or focus on the conversation, ordered a small drip with a shot of espresso. The other, who is tall and laid back and spends as far as I can tell roughly half his day on Facebook (yeah I know, how would I know if I weren’t there too), ordered a tall chai.

It’s possible that I’m reading too much into this, of course, but there are other examples. A woman who clearly loves both her jewelry and her carbohydrates is ordering a large caramel vanilla latte with whipped cream every time I see her.  An intern I know gets a large drip and pours in a ‘jakfruit powershot’ that is sold on the counter, and every time I see him he’s pointing a gun finger at someone like he’s a 70s swinger.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure this is actually a very good indicator of personality. It will only work on people who have easy access to a coffee shop though, so it’s not for beginners or occasional caffeinators – consider yourself warned.


2)      Coffee is now what smoking used to be. We use it to bond, to take much needed breaks, and to feed an addiction. Although you never know, Snus might be huge.


3)      There is a very clear line between enough coffee and too much coffee.  That line is somewhere between throwing together a kickass powerpoint in a half hour, and blabbing endlessly at double speed about what you did last weekend to anyone who will listen.


4)      There are people who seriously do not drink coffee, but apparently not a single one of them works here. Look at the graph – in my age group, less than half of us drink coffee. What? Is it possible that NONE of those people work here?


5) I drink too much coffee.


Now that you’ve read my thoughts on coffee, why don’t you go check out what the tiniest sprinter has to say?

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Filed under yum

Oh oh, I really wanted that thing

Saturday, August 4, 2008

The ‘I’m a PC commercials’ give me goosebumps. The mac commercials were starting to strike me as so.. smug, kinda. You know? The PC has progressed from this sorta goofy guy you could laugh at and relate to to this ridiculous, trick playing, fake crown wearing, pizza box hiding…. I could go on but the point is they’ve crossed the line. I no longer support the commercials.
And in as much as I love my iPhone (her name is Baby), I’m a little bummed at Apple.  Therefore, the PC commercials make me smile awfully big. Cause, you know, I’m a PC.

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Filed under before I got hip to wordpress, I have a pop culture problem