just to be totally completely and awesomely clear

There will be no new content on this page. Because I have an awesome new page. Everything you see here is now also there, AND there will continue to be fun new things! How can you resist? That’s right, you can’t. Go, click. You know you want to.

emma-nation.com

exciting news (and whoops)

I’m moving!

emma-nation.com is MINE… ALL MINE. Bwaahhahhahahah.

However, in attempting to move all of my existing content there, I seem to have doubled it up here. Whoops. Sorry about that.

Anyway, come visit me over there please!

Love, Emma

I can't listen baby about the fourth time you were a lady

Sometimes, I like to talk about what I want to be when I grow up, and sometimes, I like to talk about boobies.

Sadly, Australia has taken one career option away from me, and it is in fact because of my breast size.

You know how our movies here are rated by the MPAA, and they sometimes make wacky decisions. Turns out the Australian version, the Australian Classification Board, has been known to do that too. They have a series of ratings just like us: G, PG, M for mature, R (restricted to 18 and over), X, and RC. RC means Refused Classification, and it is illegal to sell material rated RC. These ratings apply to published material as well as movies, unlike here.

The National Classification Code uses this criteria to determine if a publication should be rated RC.

Publications that:

(a)  describe, depict, express or otherwise deal with matters of sex, drug misuse or addiction, crime, cruelty, violence or revolting or abhorrent phenomena in such a way that they offend against the standards of morality, decency and propriety generally accepted by reasonable adults to the extent that they should not be classified; or

(b) describe or depict in a way that is likely to cause offence to a reasonable adult, a person who is, or appears to be, a child under 18 (whether the person is engaged in sexual activity or not); or

(c)  promote, incite or instruct in matters of crime or violence

A) Ok, fine. Don’t make the average person want to simultaneously cry and throw up.

C) Definitely. Violence = bad.

B) The part to note specifically here is ‘a person who is, or appears to be, a child under 18‘.

Lest you think I’m overreacting (something I’ve been accused of a lot lately thankyouvermuchmovieclubcough), this isn’t just theoretical. Several issues of Hustler have been rated RC and therefore removed from the shelves – strictly because of the breast size of the models. Apparently, if your breasts are too small, you appear to be under 18.

There are so many things wrong with that, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, Hustler is published in America and we are pretty freaking careful about making sure our porno models are over 18.  That makes it clear that they really are enforcing the ‘appears to be’ part of that statement. Second of all, WHAT? Really, Australia? If I came there to be a porn model I’d be screwed. Admittedly it had never occurred to me, but I HATE being told I can’t do things and now you’re pissing me off. I’m 29 years old, Australia. 29.

The goal here may have been because of the concern that images that appear to be of younger individuals could incite/excite pedophiles. I’m sure there are images that do do that, and it makes my heart hurt. This, however, seems to be the equivalent of banning people with French accents from American television because you’re worried it will incite Francophobes to violence.

Not cool, Australia.

Go have a Fosters and think this over.

I can’t listen baby about the fourth time you were a lady

Sometimes, I like to talk about what I want to be when I grow up, and sometimes, I like to talk about boobies.

Sadly, Australia has taken one career option away from me, and it is in fact because of my breast size.

You know how our movies here are rated by the MPAA, and they sometimes make wacky decisions. Turns out the Australian version, the Australian Classification Board, has been known to do that too. They have a series of ratings just like us: G, PG, M for mature, R (restricted to 18 and over), X, and RC. RC means Refused Classification, and it is illegal to sell material rated RC. These ratings apply to published material as well as movies, unlike here.

The National Classification Code uses this criteria to determine if a publication should be rated RC.

Publications that:

(a)  describe, depict, express or otherwise deal with matters of sex, drug misuse or addiction, crime, cruelty, violence or revolting or abhorrent phenomena in such a way that they offend against the standards of morality, decency and propriety generally accepted by reasonable adults to the extent that they should not be classified; or

(b) describe or depict in a way that is likely to cause offence to a reasonable adult, a person who is, or appears to be, a child under 18 (whether the person is engaged in sexual activity or not); or

(c)  promote, incite or instruct in matters of crime or violence

A) Ok, fine. Don’t make the average person want to simultaneously cry and throw up.

C) Definitely. Violence = bad.

B) The part to note specifically here is ‘a person who is, or appears to be, a child under 18‘.

Lest you think I’m overreacting (something I’ve been accused of a lot lately thankyouvermuchmovieclubcough), this isn’t just theoretical. Several issues of Hustler have been rated RC and therefore removed from the shelves – strictly because of the breast size of the models. Apparently, if your breasts are too small, you appear to be under 18.

There are so many things wrong with that, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, Hustler is published in America and we are pretty freaking careful about making sure our porno models are over 18.  That makes it clear that they really are enforcing the ‘appears to be’ part of that statement. Second of all, WHAT? Really, Australia? If I came there to be a porn model I’d be screwed. Admittedly it had never occurred to me, but I HATE being told I can’t do things and now you’re pissing me off. I’m 29 years old, Australia. 29.

The goal here may have been because of the concern that images that appear to be of younger individuals could incite/excite pedophiles. I’m sure there are images that do do that, and it makes my heart hurt. This, however, seems to be the equivalent of banning people with French accents from American television because you’re worried it will incite Francophobes to violence.

Not cool, Australia.

Go have a Fosters and think this over.

Really, Apple? Really?

There are so many neat features about this tablet. It’s a good size for web browsing, the depth of screen shown in the pic above is actually (in my opinion) preferable to the flat grey of the Kindle, and hell, apparently it’s only $500. If, of course, you only want Wi-Fi and 16 GB.

I know there are some people out there who do not particularly approve, but I actually sort of wish I hadn’t bought my little netbook six months ago.

Not that my netbook isn't also sized to be quite portable.

I’m not going to buy one, though. You know why, Apple?

You named it the iPad.

Do you have no women on your marketing team? I am not the only person that immediately thought:

See?

Come on, people. The iPod was fine – cute, even. The iPhone made perfect sense. What’s wrong with iTab? iBook? iAnythingThatIsn’tPeriodRelated?

Of course, there are the folks that disagree with my assessment.

This post kicked off a very angry conversation with Chewbacca.

Chewbacca: your fb post made Chewbacca  very angry.

emma: the iPad one?

Chewbacca: yes. You are widening the gap between men and women so we will not get along with each other

Chewbacca: or attempting to.

Chewbacca: it is really mean

emma: it’s not me

emma: it’s Apple naming it the iPad

Chewbacca: no. its that you have no other thought than to associate to “girl power”

Chewbacca: what other words isn’t apple allowed to use?

emma: i’m just sayin it’s bad marketing

Chewbacca: I am not sure I am gonna let my wife hang out with you anymore.

emma: ha

Chewbacca: until you show signs of supporting the opposite sex as much or more than your own.

emma: more, huh?

Chewbacca: well you have dug yourself quite a hole to get out of…..missy

There you go. Not only is the iPad an awesome little tablet thingy, it’s name is going to be the last straw in the battle of the sexes.

Really, Apple?

last one – promise

I swear. After this you will never see the words Black Devil Doll on this blog ever again.

Remember yesterday when I basically said ‘to each his own’?
That was before someone logged on as the black devil doll and said that he’d “give it to me hard”. And said that people who take a doll raping a woman seriously is stupid.

People who don’t take a doll raping a woman seriously don’t understand what rape is. People who think that exploitation is like pizza don’t understand exploitation. I’m actually a little disgusted with myself for giving them so much space, but I can’t let these comments go by. Never again, though – there’s not a lot lower they can go from here.

This was fun yesterday. Now it’s just awful. Remember how classy the writer of Gingerdead Man was when Sam panned his movie? Hat tip to that fellow.

we are SO unpopular right now

Among people who sometimes maybe get a little carried away.

I mean, we didn’t like the hate in the movie. I guess some people are into that kind of thing.

A) Just because the tiniest sprinter is 5′ 4″ doesn’t mean he’s a girl. Not that I would mind – I always wanted a sister. But seriously.

B) Yes, these comments show amazing respect for women. Way to prove me wrong.

C) RECKING a grade schooler’s life DOES sound cool! You are so SMART right now!

D) My brother is an amazing fucking writer. You’re the one who commented on his blog ‘you’re retarded’. (Again, way to show that respect that I claimed you didn’t have.)

Moving on.

E) So Shawn Lewis’s plan, in making this movie, was to wreck (spelled correctly this time – someone must have alerted him) people’s lives and get people to hate movies? Noble goal, my friend. Noble goal.

F) Wait – is anyone else seeing that there are only two people participating in this bash? Excepting the fellow that somehow thinks Sam is the one who was calling people retards, of course.

So apparently the man who made Black Devil Doll and his number one fan think that we in the movie club are wrong, and we think they’re wrong.

And you know what? That’s fine. People can like whatever movies they want. My taste is not everyone’s taste. (I feel like such the bigger person right now!)

I shouldn’t have said what I did on twitter. My exact words, introducing my review post, were ‘Our movie club has some serious apologizing to do. So do the people responsible for Black Devil Doll’.  The creator of the movie’s response was ‘Why should we apologize for your rampant stupidity?’. He’s right (about the apology, not about me being stupid). I have no right saying he should apologize. If he’s proud of it, then he is.

Good for him.

thoughts while watching black devil doll

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See what I did there? Yeah, that’s because I didn’t watch it.

This week in the ts/en/yisy/ssv* movie club, it was Andrew’s turn to pick. We went with the inimitable Black Devil Doll.

As much as I would like to say that one of us said ‘no dear god no!’, that didn’t happen. It pretty much went like this.

Andrew: Sorry for the delay. I’m drawing a blank on picking a new one. “Black Devil Doll” piqued my interest, but I’m not sure how everyone feels about blaxploitation movies.

Sam: i forgot to add, what does everybody think about limiting it to instant netflix movies?  it seems when we rely on physical copies, something always turns foul.

Andrew: That may be a bit restrictive (I only say this because Black Devil Doll is not a watch instantly movie and I just read a review that makes me want to watch and write about it).

Sam: well let’s roll with digital video disc technology this round then, and watch us some devil doll!

Andrew: Post a week from monday, 1/25? Or can we get this done for the coming monday, 1/18?

Sam: im gonna say the 25th, because i’m not an ambitious man.  anyone want to test my laziness?

Emma: No way on the 18th- birthday celebrations galore.

There you go. Given every opportunity to say ‘hmmm, maybe we should skip the blaxploitation’ Sam and I both just rolled with it.

Then Jason watched it. He was on the email string above, but didn’t participate, and he was the first to receive the now infamous digital video disc from Netflix.

He may actually be quitting movie club. That’s how bad it was.

I sent mine back unwatched based on the strength of his reaction, but Sam and Andrew decided to power through.

Apparently the devil doll hates women, and the person who made the movie hates women and black people, and everyone hates Patrick Dempsey.

Hating Patrick Dempsey is like hating puppies and rainbows. And unicorns. And puppies romping with unicorns in a meadow under a rainbow. And me. Hating Patrick Dempsey is like hating me.

We’re so embarrassed right now. My only saving grace is that through sheer forgetfulness, I forgot to post that this was our pick and therefore (dear god I hope) none of you watched it. If you did, my most sincerest of apologies. We are not into hate, as a movie club or as individuals, and if you watched it because we picked it we owe you BIG time. I will blog on the topic of your choice as a reward. Heck, we all will. All four of us (assuming Jason starts talking to us again). Just let us know.

To quote Sam: please don’t watch this movie.

Emmanation rating: dear god please do not watch this movie.

*If you can think of a fantastic anagram that uses those letters for us to use as a movie club name, you will be forever loved.

talkies

If this proves to be a good idea, I’m going to start uploading a Sunday Talky in place of my previous Sunday Best posts.  If it proves to be a bad idea, I… won’t.

Also, do I really smack my lips like that when I talk, or is that a function of being videotaped? I’m hoping for the latter.

trust women

It’s the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, and Blog for Choice asks “what does trust women mean to you”?

I am pro-choice. I’m not going to try to explain why or tell you that you have to be pro-choice too, but I think ‘trust women’ and the statement it can be rolled up into – ‘trust individuals’ – is a good one. Trust people to make their own choices. To do what is right for them. Personally, abortion would not be right for me. I crossed that line sometime during or immediately following college. If I had a baby now, it wouldn’t be ideal, but I would make it work and I have no doubt I would love him or her with my entire being.

And you know what? If my 19 year old self had had an abortion, my current self would have been proud of her for that. Because I trust her.

On a semi-related note, a late-30-something coworker came into my office yesterday and waved his hands in the air and said “I love my son. I love my dead, gay, son“.  And left. He doesn’t have a son, dead, gay, or otherwise, in case you were wondering. My office is so weird.